this really hurt my feelings

[dee]

I've been a scalp picker on and off for years. I'm so happy right now, because I have a new job and my stress levels have gone down. While I still pick at old scabs, I was very proud of the fact I hadn't created any new sores.
Then yesterday at work a (rude) co-worker came by my desk and because I was sitting she could see the sore on the top of my head. I didn't think it was as bad as it could have been, but apparently it was pretty gross because she exclaimed "Ew! You have a hole in the top of your head! That's so gross!"
This weekend I'm scheduled to get a haircut at a new salon. I've actually been going half an hour out to the other side of town to see the hairdresser I've gone to for years because she's so sympathetic to my condition. I love her, but really wanted and needed to find someone closer. Now I am terrified that I am going to freak her out too.
Do others point your sores out in public, especially if you're a face picker? How do you deal with it?
I've never had someone so blatantly call it out and it hurt so much when I was proud of not creating any new sores this month.

[hoppe]

Hi dee

I am really sorry. I know how it feels. I have had people pointing at my face a few times, asking what I have there. The moment it happens I usually go completely numb and don't allow myself to feel anything. But later I can feel how much it hurts. I never forget a comment of this kind. I also noticed that the degree to which it hurts depends on how I was feeling about my skin that day. The better I feel, the more it hurts. If I feel like crap and think I look like crap then a hurtful comment does still hurt, but I kind of expect it more. I remember I had one once, where I actually felt pretty good, no sores on my face, make-up looked fine to me, and someone asked my about all those red marks in my face. That was so painful.

I am also a scalp picker, but have very thick hair, so I have never had anyone say anything about it. I never go to a hairdresser. I prefer to cut my hair myself. Not so much because of the scalp (and face) sores, but more because I cannot handle to sit an hour in front of my own reflection.

Dee, congratulations on your success of not making any new sores. That is wonderful. Please do not let this comment ruin your happiness. And don't let it keep you from going to the hairdresser. If you feel to anxious to go to the new salon, go at least to the old one, where you were before. Getting your hair done is something you do for yourself, to feel better about yourself, and if you don't go because of your co-workers comment, your co-worker managed to hurt you twice.

Wishing you continued happiness and lots of inner peace.

hoppe

[amylou]

I am very sorry about your experience..I definatley have had people stare..there have been times when I have picked so bad I couldn't look in the mirror..and I had to go to work and i even put a bandage on my face to cover up what I had done..being a waitress and dealing with many many people you can tell when they are staring many people asked me what happened to my face..i said my dog scratched me ..of course didn't want to tell the truth..but I wish you healing ..and stay with the hairdresser that you feel the most comfortable with..

[Spring Angel]

I am so sorry this happened. I have also had inconsiderate people make comments about my face. I have lied about it. There are just people in this world who don't know how hurtful they are, and some who do it deliberately to be hurtful. Either way, they are sick people, and if I can generate some pity for them it helps me not to feel so bad.

Once, I had someone comment that I had a big run in my nylons, and I said "You gotta wonder about the kind of people who feel it necessary to point those things out". The person was pretty miffed that I said that. I was surprized at myself for saying such a thing. But I might consider saying something like that again if the situation arose. It just kind of turned it back around onto them and THEIR problem. Thus deflecting the hurt I guess.

Cause really it IS their problem if they have to criticize another person. Especially in the way that person criticized you, definitely intended to hurt you.

I am sorry you were hurt by that mean person.

And I am also proud of you for the progress you have made. Keep your head up, you are a good person, with a serious disorder. You are not a bad person.

luv,

Spring

[kimj]

Congrats Dee on your progress!
I'm very sorry about what happened. that was very rude of her! I've had people ask "what happened?" Or " did you get hurt?" about some marks on my face, but not in such a rude way. Though it is still embarassing for me.
Usually I think people are just asking. Most people out there don't know what CSP exists (I didn't even know until about 6 months ago.) So most people don't know that they're being hurtful. I usually just make up something if anyone asks.

[Bea1]

Most people would never say a word if they understood what a loaded issue it is, or if they thought that it was REALLY disgusting. If they comment it's as if they don't think it's that big a deal. Cos if it was they'd stay utterly silent, don't you think? It sucks for us though, I agree. I've had people say shit and I just make up some crap about having a food allergy or shitty skin. You know what, maybe if we just said, "oh well I get pimples and sometimes I have a hard time leaving them alone!" and laughed, they'd probably laugh and say "yeah me too".

[ManiacalLaughter]

That is really ignorant of him!!
I have had people assume I am a drug addict because of my marks on my arm. I'm not! I just have a problem! (of course, I just told them that I am allergic to something... I'm too shy. )

[dontfencemein]

Comments from strangers I dont often get, but from family members like my weird father in law, I do get. Then you know its really bad when your two year old walks by the bathroom and says so matter of factly -"mommy dont dig". How embarrasing is that. Or when he calls to me from the living room -" Mommy what you doing?"- "Nothing hunny" " Going potty?" "no hunny" "looking in the mirror?" "Yes sweetie".....maybe hes my best deterent or my worst realization that I had a problem. I am constantly thinking what he must think of his mother. I think about what he will grow up thinking about his own self image. Congrats on the no new scabs. Wish I had that much self control. -dontfencemein.

[skigirl]

Dee:

I can understand your feelings being hurt by this comment. But I think the girl who said such a hateful thing should feel bad herself just for being such a jackass. When people act like this, lots of times it stems from envy.