Beyond the picking itself

[Interested]

Hey all,

Just need some support...

I have had acne for 17 years. Not imagined acne... real acne. I pick at it... especially the cysts. I destroy my face even more. I have been on Accutane 4 times, among a million other things.

Now I am pregnant and my acne is even worse, which means my picking has also gone up a notch too. But beyond the picking, I want everyone's opinion on what is going on BEHIND the picking and what can be done to combat that. I feel that the picking is a manifestation of emotional problems. Or am I just wired wrong?

For instance, I *need* to look "perfect" or I am not happy or confident in public. Even my husband does not get to see me without makeup. I don't judge anyone's appearance harshly...why my own? I am repulsed by my bare face in the mirror. I feel like how can anyone love someone who looks like this? When my makeup is working, I think I look great and I feel on top of the world. When I have even one little spot bothering me that I can't cover perfectly, I feel miserable and I'm not "up". The truth is, I'm so good at squeezing, flattening, and covering my acne and sores, no one even knows I have a problem of this extent.

And don't even tell me how sick this is... I mentioned that I'm pregnant. Well, I am more anxious over how my skin will look while I'm in labor and afterwards than I am about BEING in labor. I am terrified about those famous "no makeup mom" pics holding the baby and about my family and friends coming in before I have a chance to grab my concealer. I know I will want to bolt to the bathroom and I will feel trapped. NO ONE has ever seen me without make up except me. I am terrified, and it's not about the pain of labor. I MUST be a sick individual. I am so excited about the baby, and I know all my attention should be on the little bundle of joy. But at that moment, I know I will be completely panicked while I should be brimming with joy. This is not normal.

So I ask, beyond the EXTERNAL picking, what is wrong with my INSIDES? Am I the only one with perfection obsession and if I'm not, what have others done to heal the true source of the problem? Or is this an anxiety disorder... not an emotional disorder that can only be treated with medication? H E L P !

Thank you all so much for your honesty on this board. It has helped me a lot to know I'm not alone.

Anon

[Don]

Hey Interested,

I am so sad to see no one has posted a reponse yet. We have all these suggestions for dealing with picking... acrylic nails, gloves, keeping busy... but do we have suggestions for dealing with the root of the problem? I think you are right--it goes deeper and we aren't truly solving it until we solve our internal issues.

I am sure hoping someone can offer a few suggestions. What has worked for people out there? Looking in the mirror and telling yourself you look great (even if you don't look perfect)? Writing down what you think the root of the problem may be and maybe dealing with that? (e.g. a mom who taught you to pick at your appearance, etc.) Trusting just ONE person... your best friend, your spouse, with your secret and leaning on them to help you heal?

What works to "fix" our insides so we can stop picking our outsides?

Don

[Nadia]

Hi. Like you, I try to hide my body where the scars are, not with makeup but with clothes. I feel too self-conscious to wear a tank top that shows my upper back. When my baby was born, I told myself I would stop the picking once and for all. Easier said than done, since my anxiety seems to have increased. I have since been diagnosed with anxiety disorder. I plan on pursuing some sort of help with may be a therapist to try to get to the root of the problem. This scares me though. I finally told my husband of 14 years about my compulsion. It made me feel so much better to tell him. You can do it too! Courage!

[HectorsGirl]

Yes, I think it really does help to tell those closest to us that we have issues with our skin. I don't wear sleeveless garments anymore either, for just this reason. I wear them at home, and my significant other comments when I've been picking. This helps me be aware of it, think about it, give it the attention that may help me consciously stop.