A really nasty comment about my skin!

[Margaret]

Hey guys! First of all, I know I haven't been good at posting, I still come and read your posts occassionaly! Sorry! I hope you still love me....

Well, anyway, yesterday I got the meanest comment EVER! This guy at the gym that used to like me, and I like his friend so he's being a dick! I talked to them when I was at the gym and first he tells me that he doesn't like my hair after I got it cut, and then he says "you need to do something about your skin, look at all your pimples, you've got major acne happening, aren't you gonna be a nutritionist?" (nutritionist yep, not a derm, IDIOT!!)
I was so surprised, nobody has ever been so cruel about my skin before, and it made me really angry. First I got sad, but then I realised that my skin is getting better, but it just takes time. I'm on retina-a cream, which makes all the pimples come out, that's why it's bad, but at least I'm not picking like I used to! What he commented on was an actual skin problem that I can't help, I didn't cause it..for once!

The whole thing just took me by surprise, and I learned a lesson..again..not every person is nice, people can be really evil!
So guys, if anyone comments on your skin, don't let it get to you, they're the ones that have the problem that they notice and comment on other people's flaws! I would NEVER tell anyone something that I know they would feel bad about!

People can be evil!!

Anyway, I hope everyone is doing good, I'm sending positive thoughts your way!!

[raerae]

'course we still love you!

that guy is clearly a total loser. do you want me to come by and kick his ass?!

good work on keeping the picking under control. i hope you feel ;D

love rae xxx

[hoppe]

Hi Margaret

I am sorry to hear about the comment this guy made about your skin. He had no right to say something like that. People can be so cruel - it really made me angry.
Anyway, you said that he liked you before, but that you like his friend better, so I guess he only said this because he could feel that you are not interested in him!! Do not let this get to you!!

Your post made me think about comments I have received in the past. Unfortunately, it can be really hard to just forget them. My brother said some nasty things about my skin (in front of others) and that was really painful. But I think the two comments I think about the most were actually made by children (you might know the saying - 'the truth is said by children and drunks').... . One was by a five-year-old boy that I used to babysit some years ago. He pointed at my face (in front of his parents) and said: "Why do you have all these mountains on your forehead?".
Did he have to say mountains?

hoppe

[warmfuzzygirl]

Hoppe, I agree with you totally...it's the kids that get me.

Not that a child has ever really said anything to me, it's just the looks they give. (well, one did comment on all the scars on my chest, and I just said it was a shark attack. It helps to be a wise-ass skin picker)

My son's friends are over alot, and I'm an artist, so I'm always leaning over showing them something, and this one girl in particular is always zeroing in on my nose. Like "lose your train of thought" staring at my nose. Argh. I hate that! I must stop for my kids if not for me!!!

warm fuzzy

[hoppe]

Hi warm fuzzy girl

I understand what you mean - the looks children can give you. It can be really hard to take. It happens sometimes in the subway or on the bus and I usually try to stare back hoping that they might look away.

I do not have children yet, but I am afraid what will happen, if I get children one day. A lot of people on the board have expressed that they feel that their children suffer in various ways because of this (e.g. because the children do not get the attention they deserve etc.). That would really make me sad if my picking addiction would make me a bad mother. Not to mention if it makes them pick, when they see me pick... . Well, I might be able to beat this before that day comes - but I am not sure.

In regard to the comments - the other one I received from a child was at my grandmother's funeral two years ago. It was already an anxiety provoking event because my whole family was gathered. Most of them I only see like every 5th year or so. That day I felt that my skin was acceptable, otherwise I would not have gone! Anyway, a young cousin of mine positioned himself in front of me and just stared at me for a while and then he said "why do you have all these red marks in your face?". I was really surprised and embarrased. His mother dragged him away and said to him "you will understand that when you get older". I think, I was mostly shocked because I felt that I looked okay that day..... .

hoppe

[fcarea]

I know after I have a CSP attack I am very self conscious about my appearance for the next day or so. I think this self consciousness is usually the main problem. We feel that everyone is looking at our faces (or whatever was picked) when they probably don’t even care. I think this is the worst aspect of this illness. The anxiety caused by picking causes us to miss (or want to miss) events and other social occasions. I wish I could just stop.

[skigirl]

Hey Margaret! Good to see you again. I've also been neglecting the site. Going through a separation and it's taking all my time feeling the self-pity. Even though the Retin-A is causing the breakout now, probably overnight your skin will look amazing, at least that was my experience. The best part about Retin-A has been that I used it also on my arms and they have never started to break out again, even after I stopped using it for a year. The only place I ever still break out is the area by my ears that is usually covered by my hair (probably caused by the product I use on my hair), but that can be covered up. Also, the Retin-A smooths the skin and gives an overall more healthy appearance. I loved using it, but have neglected to do so for awhile. I've been using Mederma lately to repair some of the damage, and I find that works pretty well also.

Now, as for the gym rat, truly his comment was inappropriate. But me thinks he may still hold a flicker of attraction for you, well perhaps even more than a flicker. I'd say that his comment was the adult equivalent of a 4th-grader pulling your pigtails. Still, it hurts all the same. Just think how bad he's going to feel when the Retin-A is really doing its job and your skin is looking soft and radiant. That's right, he'll feel like a schmuck!

[anonymousartist]

Margaret,

What a prick that guys sounds like! How can someone older than a 5th grader honestly say stuff like that? I think when guys act like that it is because they can be very insecure, and it sounds like this mofo found whatever he could to put you down because it made him feel better about himself (while us girlies tend to put ourselves down instead :-\). Or he wasn't getting the attention he wanted from his friend and didn't know how to react maturely. There's a good chance he had no clue how bad comments like that can hurt because maybe he's been made fun of a lot in the past or something.

When I was a kid I probably would have been the one saying something mean, unfortunately. I'm sure I got in trouble for calling an adult or two fat...but the thing is it was most likely because my mom seemed so insecure about her weight (she was overweight, but not ever really badly, and she thought she was when she was younger and she wasn't...this came from her father telling her she was fat since she was 10, and of course I ended up with an image problem regarding this too). If I had said something about someone's acne (or what we now know to be pick marks on probably more people than we realize) my mom's response probably would've been "you'll get it someday too," and I bet it would've shut me up without making anyone feel bad

I've been using some retin-A micro to try and heal some areas faster. I'm sure you all know this but make sure to use a good moisturizer and sunscreen (it can make you burn faster).

[coolhandluke]

Mags:

Oooohh, that guy is SO lucky I wasn't there, because I would have dragged him into the bathroom and castrated him. I can't believe he actually uttered such words, and still hopes to have a shred of attractiveness left for women to drool over.

First, it's not as though you are just a lazy girl who never washes her face--or that acne only affects lazy people, or that acne will cower in fear under the "threat" of a responsible person's skin care regimen. Acne is a disease of the skin's ability to protect itself (...sort of). It could just as easily chosen him as one of its casualties!

Second, YOU ALL WERE AT A F*CKING GYM, FOR GOODNESS' SAKE! Maybe things are different in Australia or Norway , but I know here in the States, your average person working out at a gym is not at his or her aesthetic best. Being a guy, he probably smelled like a fifty-year-old bathroom at a gas (petrol, for you Aussies) station.

Third, you are a rare and beautiful gem (I love to say that about people; I can't remember where I heard it, but I love it). No matter what he says, you are a beautiful woman inside and out--if I remember right, you have red hair, so you're extra-beautiful! ;D

Lastly, a guy who notices other people's pimples seems rather odd...I have yet to meet a guy who notices, or cares even if he does notice, another person's acne (unless the person has a very bad case of cystic acne, and even then, the guy is sympathetic at first, then forgets about it later). My roommate pointed out that people who notice other people's bodily imperfections often have body-image issues of their own. I think she was absolutely right on that one. This guy is probably also a skin-picker, or bulimic or something!

Here's a big hug, Margaret. We love you soooooooo much!
Love,
the Other Margaret (cool hand luke) With the Red Hair

[girl1818]

margaret...

i cannot believe someone would be as rude and obnoxious to make a comment about someone elses skin. however...i have to say...if the only comment he could think of to bring you down was about a few pimples...which are a NATURAL thing...well, then, you must be GORGEOUS

and i 100% agree with coolhandluke, he obviously has body issues with himself (not to mention a huge jealousy issue)...guys definitely don't comment on skin/hair/ect. unless they have some type of issue with themselves.


WE LOVE YOU,

[Mags]

Thanks for all you replies guys! You all made me feel much better! I saw him at the gym yesterday and I didn't even look at him, I talked to his friend and ignored the dickhead, I'm not gonna waste my breath on that loser, but if he says something to me...then I'll give it to him..HARD! He deserves to hear the truth!

I have faith in this retin-a cream, but it's just so frustrating waiting for the results! Does anyone know why you can't go tanning while using the cream??

I hope everyone is doing really good, thinking of you all, I've missed this a lot I just realised!! It makes me feel good being here

[coolhandluke]

Retin-A makes your skin extra-vulnerable to the sun's damage. It also makes it extra-sensitive, so you get rashes and stuff more easily.

(I learned all this from the Retin-A commericials on TV)

Later,
cool hand luke

[anonymousartist]

I dig your posts margaret You should stick around.

When my derm gave me retin-a way back in high school it was in combination with Benzymycin and I think she said to give it like a few months even to work fully. It may be like a month before you see things stop popping up but I know it does slough off skin (basically what it does) right away and kicks ass on making scabs come off early. I still have some left and I use it once in a while.

[coolhandluke]

Hee hee, for a minute I thought AA was talking to me, since my real name is Margaret (real as opposed to my screen name of cool hand luke).

But I totally agree with AA, Mags...stick around. I'm not sure where you were planning on going, but I hope you decide to keep posting!

Later,
The Other Margaret

[anonymousartist]

I dig your posts too! CHL/margaret. Your humor was one of the things that really normalized picking for me and made me totally less embarassed about it.