Hello, I'm new to this support group...

[Laura]

Hi, umm, I don't want to give away my real name until I am more comfortable, so I will just refer to myself as "afraid" - which is exactly how I feel at this moment.

I'm 18 years old, and my pimple picking addiction started when I was 11. I call it an addiction because that's what it is. I am very depressed and my parents took me to our family doctor, who diagnosed me with the anxiety disorder, OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder). He has prescribed me a variety of treatments over the years, from face washes to the Pill to help lessen my acne. This year I have been on Zoloft, and he recently doubled my daily dosage because it wasn't very affective. It works okay I guess... it eases my anxiety, but it doesn't stop my compulsive picking.

He also made an appointment for me to see a psychiatrist; January the 8th, 2004, is my first session with him. I hope he's nice. My family doctor also asked me if I had been hearing voices in my head, telling me to hurt myself - I told him straight out that I was not schitzophrenic, and I knew that my problem was a psychological addiction - not some outside force influencing my behaviour. I am obsessive, not insane.

I want to stop picking. Everytime I pick I scar myself. I know that, I know its bad, I know I should stop. But I can't. My picking is not just my face, but my neck, shoulders, chest, and back. I guess I think that if I pick my body rather than my face, I can put a t-shirt on and hide the evidence.

It also seems to be a sub-conscious behaviour. While I am watching tv, in the shower, and even right now while I have been typing this, I pick and scratch without even thinking about, or realise I'm doing it.

I have also started scratching my scalp. It's not itchy or anything, I have just started doing it because I'm trying to stop picking at my face. At least any scars I cause can't be seen under my hair.

I know that what I do is self mutilation, but I can't fight it. I have even started thinking about cutting myself. I don't want to die, I won't commit suicide. I just want to hurt myself. I don't know why.

I'm afraid... can you help me?

[pickles]

Afraid,
Welcome! This website is a great place to find support. I think that everyone here knows how you feel. I started picking when I was 8 years old and I am 22 now. Like you, I pick at my face, my chest, my shoulders, and my back. I've tried all sorts of different medicine for my acne too, but it really doesn't seem to help. I am currently seeing a counselor and she said that I have anxiety and depression. So I went to my doctor and she put me on paxil. The paxil is helping a lot with my depression, but it hasn't helped with my picking at all. I know it's very hard to have a positive attitude about this, but I think that's the main thing people like us should try to do.

I think seeing a psychiatrist is a great idea! I'm only seeing a counselor, but she has made a huge difference for me. I haven't stopped picking, but she helped me firgure out all of thing that could be causing me to pick. Are really stressed out? That could be a factor. My job right now has made my stress level go off the charts at times, but my counselor has helped find ways of dealing with it better. If you aren't stressed, it could be something you never even thought of, and hopefully your psychiatrist is good and he'll help firgure out some stuff.

I am assuming that your parents know about your problem since they took you to the doctor. I think that's a good thing too. I hope they are supportive. I still live with my parents b/c I am in college, and they don't know that I have been diagnosed with depression and they don't know that I pick. It's hard keeping that a secret from them. Hopefully that's one less thing you have to worry about. Have you told any of your friends about your problem? It took me a long time, but I told three of my closest freinds and my fiance. Telling my fiance was the hardest thing that I have ever had to do in my life, but I did it. I thought he would be totally disgusted and want to leave me, but he didn't. He actually cried when I told him and he said that everyone has problems that they have to deal with and he hugged me and told me that he loved me. I have to say that I am glad that I told him because now I can talk to someone (other than my counselor) about my problem. So, if you haven't told any of your friends I think you should. It just feels like such a relief to tell other people. If your not ready to tell anyone then don't. After finding out that I actually had a problem, it took me 5 months to tell my fiance. So don't rush. maybe you will feel more comfortable after you see your psychiatrist.

If you haven't already, check out the tips for quitting board on this website. There's a lot stuff on there that could help you. Remember, you are not alone. Everyone here knows exactly what you are going through. Just keep coming here for support. I hope what I said helped you a little bit. Good luck with your psychiatrist. Keep us posted on how you're doing! Take Care!

pickles

[Canuck]

Welcome, Afraid!

I read your post, and I feel like you're on the right track. You're being really proactive, you're taking advantage of a lot of resources designed to help you quit.

Ultimately, it's just a lot of hard work. It's insanely frustrating and full of really good days and really bad relapses and everything in between. Quitting takes a lot of patience with yourself. And you have to remember not to give up.

Welcome to the group! I hope that you find us a group of people to lean on for support.

[Iceman]

Hello Laura,
I too am addicted to picking any little bump on my face. Not only that but i really identify with many of the things you wrote. You are correct.. you're not insane just addicted to a very bad behavior. If someone thinks its from voices in your head then they're not very up to date on this particular problem. Compulsive skin picking has been closely associated with Trichotillomania (compulsive hair pulling) and also tied to OCD. I've done lots of research and i think the absolute best meds for this behavior are Celexa and the newly fine tuned Lexapro. I've been on Celexa for some time with little to no side effects. It does ease the anxiety alot which helps me pick less but i haven't stopped. The new Lexapro is the only drug thus far that has been recommended for skin picking. I go see my psych soon and i'm going to switch from Celexa to Lexapro. I don't know why i want to hurt myself either but i do and i feel relieved afterwards even though i've just messed myself up. It's a confusing, frustrating, and at times completely overwhelming but you can and will get better. Here's a great link to all sorts of info on the web www.self-injury-abuse-trauma-directory.info/Completed%20Files/Skin-picking-Links_&_Books.htm. If you want to talk about anything or need some support, just drop me a line. I think it's extremely important to help each other out so we can beat this thing.