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Post by angelkiss on Nov 22, 2003 16:43:26 GMT -5
a few weeks ago i fell of the wagon big time...but now i have renewed energy to try quitting again.
i'm keeping a journal of my urges, successes, failures, triggers, and tactics i use to keep from picking. so far i have gone two and a half days without picking. the first urge i had where i was determined not to pick was the hardest...i was very agitated and upset, and i sat outside with a cigarette rocking myself and repeating over and over again "I don't need to pick." it took a good hour to distract myself with something else. i sat squeezing my boyfriend's hand for a while.
i have since put bandaids on EVERYTHING and I won't even change the bandaids without someone else being around, that way I can't fall into the trap of picking before i get that new bandaid on. i keep finding my hands wandering to the bandaids and scratching at them like i want to rip them off. it's hard. even after quitting twice before, it's still hard.
I think quitting picking takes a lot of time. you quit for a while, then you lapse again, and then you just get yourself together and try again. and i guess you have to do that many, many times before you can say you've really gotten control over this disorder.
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Post by Secret on Nov 23, 2003 16:39:51 GMT -5
Man, you're inspiring me! I'm not picking as bad as I used to, but I still pick, and it still effects my life. I've tried and tried not to. I keep trying to strengthen my program, but I know I need to journal write more. I have a huge problem with letting people in on my problem. I wish I could find the strength to ask someone to be here for me while I deal with this ...I'm too proud....stupid ego.
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Post by angelkiss on Nov 23, 2003 17:24:33 GMT -5
Secret, don't worry, don't beat yourself up because you feel too proud to tell someone about your picking. It may be that you are a perfectionist, like many of us, and admitting a fault makes you feel like you aren't a good person. But picking doesn't change you at all. Don't feel ashamed, because picking is like diabetes or anemia...just another disorder, not a character flaw.
I realized that pure willpower is not what it takes to stop picking. Your willpower will not be enough to overcome a disorder that is part habit, part chemical imbalance, and partly an emotional necessity. It helps to have support from others. If you feel like you are alone in fighting the battle, it is much, much harder.
I think you have to be ready to quit. And who knows what ready means, I think it's different for everyone. But quitting picking takes a lot of time and effort and a lot of falling off the wagon and picking yourself up. So you have to be mentally prepared for all of that. For me, there were lots of other issues at the root of my picking which had to be dealt with before I could say, I don't need to pick anymore.
my progress: I have made it through the past three days without picking. But last night, I was scared because I found a new scab on my leg and I don't know where it came from. I don't remember doing it myself, and I don't remember scratching at my leg or anything. I thought I was going crazy. But what can you do...I just covered it up with a bandaid and tried not to let it get me down.
Anybody ever find sores they don't remember creating?
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Teresa =)
Full Member
"What does not kill me makes me stronger"
Posts: 109
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Post by Teresa =) on Nov 23, 2003 23:03:10 GMT -5
i think is a good idea the journal ofr see what u do and u know gave some little giftes to yurself when u do good.. i enan not only food or material just be proud of yurself and smile
i think i will keep a journal too it sounds very intersting*sigh*
Thanks
Teresa
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Post by Carree on Nov 26, 2003 10:12:04 GMT -5
Angel-
I am going through the same thing right now. I was doing really well not picking and then it was as if something was triggered inside of me and I became a picking machine!!
I have been making a mess of my face, well not really but after having a clear face it sure does feel like it. I had one unpoppable zit near my chin that I just tore up and so that is all I see when I look it the mirror. I find my hands gravitating towards it all of the time. Why can't I just leave it alone!?
I have three small scabs on my legs that I have had for a few weeks now but they are looking pretty good right now. The key will be to leave them alone until they heal.
The stress of the holidays must be getting to me.....I feel it!
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Post by luvtorun on Nov 27, 2003 23:37:25 GMT -5
Hello everyone,
Thank you so much for everyone's honesty and support, every time I read the messages on this website I am amazed that there are other people out there w/this same issue! I too have been picking like crazy, I also will put bandaids on my scabs but when I remove them I will go right at it again and need another bandaid. I liked what one of you all said about needing someone there when you take the bandaid off, it is so frustrating for me to have to do that but I need to stop this insanity!! I realize that I may end up causing some major infections, I have been just digging at my skin! Also, what someone mentioned about scabs just coming up and not knowing where they came from. That has been happening to me a lot more lately, I will make a small scab into a very ugly scar after having picked it so much!
I too am in a 12 step program and am currently on Effexor, I took Luvox and Zoloft before and nothing has seemed to work. I also agree what was said about needing to deal w/the core issues before this can stop completely. I do try to journal and agree that it works but my problem is that I tear at the corners of the pages and end up destroying it.
Once again, thank you for your sharing and I hope that we can all get this eventually.
Tina
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Post by Secret on Nov 29, 2003 18:08:17 GMT -5
Luvtorun,
How are the 12 steps working for you?
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