Post by e as guest on Dec 19, 2003 19:21:25 GMT -5
hi everyone. while i don't have BPD, i do think the questions raise some interesting similarities to how many of us probably function. it definitely strikes chords with me.
- Would you say that your picking is a way to regulate your emotions?
i'm not sure about this one. sometimes i start picking even when i'm not feeling any particular emotion. there are triggers that don't seem to have anything to do with my emotional state (looking in the mirror, for one). i do pick the most severely when i'm tense, though. so in that case, it seems to be a way to regulate the tension.
- Do you experience emotions that change drastically from moment to moment?
no, but i am a very sensitive person and seem to feel things more strongly than other people.
- Do you see yourself in black and white?
no, but i do have high expectations and feel disappointed with myself more than other people feel about themselves. shame is a big part of my existence.
- Do you see others in black and white?
no.
- Do you find yourself, in times of emotional crisis or simply a stressful moment, in a state of dissociation?
yes, i love to zone out! but i don't think i zone out more than anyone else does.
- Do you pick your skin to reach this calming, mesmerizing state of mind?
there's definitely something about the trance of picking that appeals to my brain. but i don't know what causes it. sometimes it seems like i'm consciously seeking the trance and other times it seems to be driven by my subconscious.
- Do you ever pick or hurt yourself at times thinking, "I'll show them"?
ha! sure, as a teenager when i had silly hormone-driven needs for attention. it's not a part of my picking now.
- Do you ever pick because you feel it is a way to punish yourself?
not sure. i think it's more a way to fight against something i truly hate (pimples).
- Ultimately, if you had to say why you pick your skin, what would your answer be?
i think it's a combination of many things: hating my skin and wanting it to be smooth (which it never is), trying to purge old stresses and sorrows, performing a compulsion that started out as just a little bad habit and evolved into a full blown, very damaging ritual.
- Would you say that your picking is a way to regulate your emotions?
i'm not sure about this one. sometimes i start picking even when i'm not feeling any particular emotion. there are triggers that don't seem to have anything to do with my emotional state (looking in the mirror, for one). i do pick the most severely when i'm tense, though. so in that case, it seems to be a way to regulate the tension.
- Do you experience emotions that change drastically from moment to moment?
no, but i am a very sensitive person and seem to feel things more strongly than other people.
- Do you see yourself in black and white?
no, but i do have high expectations and feel disappointed with myself more than other people feel about themselves. shame is a big part of my existence.
- Do you see others in black and white?
no.
- Do you find yourself, in times of emotional crisis or simply a stressful moment, in a state of dissociation?
yes, i love to zone out! but i don't think i zone out more than anyone else does.
- Do you pick your skin to reach this calming, mesmerizing state of mind?
there's definitely something about the trance of picking that appeals to my brain. but i don't know what causes it. sometimes it seems like i'm consciously seeking the trance and other times it seems to be driven by my subconscious.
- Do you ever pick or hurt yourself at times thinking, "I'll show them"?
ha! sure, as a teenager when i had silly hormone-driven needs for attention. it's not a part of my picking now.
- Do you ever pick because you feel it is a way to punish yourself?
not sure. i think it's more a way to fight against something i truly hate (pimples).
- Ultimately, if you had to say why you pick your skin, what would your answer be?
i think it's a combination of many things: hating my skin and wanting it to be smooth (which it never is), trying to purge old stresses and sorrows, performing a compulsion that started out as just a little bad habit and evolved into a full blown, very damaging ritual.