Some Questions, please post your responses!

[angelkiss]

Ever heard of boderline personality disorder? has anyone here been diagnosed with it?

I ask because since I have started reading about BPD, it has raised some interesting ideas for me about skin picking. People suffering from BPD in many cases attempt suicide or engage in self-mutilation. In a lot of cases, self-mutilation is an attempt to regulate very out of control emotions.

Questions for all of you--answer any of them that you can, just feel free to spill your feelings on these topics:

Would you say that your picking is a way to regulate your emotions?

Do you experience emotions that change drastically from moment to moment?

Do you often see yourself in black and white? In other words, you seek for perfection and on occasion feel that you are completely good, but when you fail to meet your expectations, feel that you are all bad?

Do you see others in black and white? In other words, if a significant other says or does something to upset you, do you see it as a huge betrayal? Do you forget any warm feelings you had toward that person and suddenly feel suspicious?

Do you find yourself, in times of emotional crisis or simply a stressful moment, in a state of dissociation (a state of mind where you are simply "zoned out"--you are functioning, but not really aware of your surroundings)?

Do you pick your skin to reach this calming, mesmerizing state of mind?

Feel free to be honest about this...Do you ever pick or hurt yourself at times thinking, "I'll show them"?

Do you ever pick because you feel it is a way to punish yourself?

Ultimately, if you had to say why you pick your skin, what would your answer be?

Just some questions I have come across in my research...still trying to understand the nature of skin picking, as we all are!!

[touchingpeace]

I'll try to answer these in order.

yes
yes
no
no
yes
yes
no
yes
basically, it feels good. it keeps me from having to learn to love myself which is actually a very scary thing. I always have this excuse, and I don't have to let other people get close to me since I keep convincing myself I am not worthy of affection. it is a double-bind and self-fulfilling. I hate myself for doing it, but I am totally comfortable self-loathing. now I am truly beginning to see what a joke that is, and how I do not want to be miserable for the rest of my life, I don't except this as my fate, even though I am used to being miserable.

Thanks for bringing up these questions.

-Jules

[theta]

ok, so here are my answers...

yes
no
no
sometimes
definitely!
no
no
umm.. this is a hard one. I think picking relieves a lot of nervous tension that I have. I also have a tendency to feel very worthless- I am depressed and this leaves me often feeling very worn out... I am a full time student and also work part time to support myself, but many days I feel like it is too much for me even to get out of bed. Or I feel like a little thing like washing a plate to eat off is too much for me. So I don't know if you'll know what I mean, but some days I find that picking is the only goal that I can achieve- pulling off these scabs makes me feel better sometimes.


anyway, hope this helps you...

[Lucy]

yes
yes
sometimes
sometimes
yes
yes
yes
I think the reason for me is also to keep people far away and to not let men get close. Sad. makes me feel hopeless
These are good questions.

[Secret]

Yes

No

Yes

No

Yes

No

Yes

Yes

Yes

Yes

I pick my skin because it gives me a release. relieves tension.

[snuggleball]

I don't have BPD, usually I'm just depressed, high strung, and anxious, or reasonably content and cozy.

My responses:
Q1: No - It doesn't seem to affect my emotions.
Q2: Yes - Sometimes I have mood swings.
Q3: No - I see myself as I really am. My perception of myself doesn't change from good to bad.
Q4: No - Although it would depend on what my SO did to upset me (major or minor). When I get irritated with my SO I get extremely mad, but I will get over it, because I know he's a good person. However, if he suddenly did something majorly bad, then I would consider him a bad person.
Q5: Yes - Alot, 'escapism' I call it. I have several ways I mentally escape from reality.
Q6: I'm not sure.
Q7: No
Q8: No
Q9: I absolutely hate flawed uneven skin (mine, not other people's). It sounds silly to say I get mad at my skin, but I do. I can't just leave my skin alone, it's a compulsion. If I have a spot that's bothering me I can't stop thinking about it, and I end up picking at it so it'll stop bothering me. I am a little bit obsessive about my appearance, so that doesn't help.

[Teresa =)]

oki here i go
Would you say that your picking is a way to regulate your emotions? no picking for me is just frustration and a way of punish

Do you experience emotions that change drastically from moment to moment? yup somethimes i get very nervous for stupid things

Do you often see yourself in black and white? In other words, you seek for perfection and on occasion feel that you are completely good, but when you fail to meet your expectations, feel that you are all bad? when i am very very down, terrible down yes, but not when i am only down

Do you see others in black and white? In other words, if a significant other says or does something to upset you, do you see it as a huge betrayal? Do you forget any warm feelings you had toward that person and suddenly feel suspicious? no

Do you find yourself, in times of emotional crisis or simply a stressful moment, in a state of dissociation (a state of mind where you are simply "zoned out"--you are functioning, but not really aware of your surroundings)?no

Do you pick your skin to reach this calming, mesmerizing state of mind? no

Feel free to be honest about this...Do you ever pick or hurt yourself at times thinking, "I'll show them"? no

Do you ever pick because you feel it is a way to punish yourself? i think deep inside of mem that is the reason why i pick

Ultimately, if you had to say why you pick your skin, what would your answer be? yes, i pick cause i feel guilty about everything and i "love" to hang all the bad stuff over my back... and when i can´t control it anymore i pick.. but somethimes i see it like an habbit.. like ... washing my teeth?.... well i think if i really find the reason the exact reason why i pick i will try to fix the soon aS posible but i still dont find it!!!
oki here it is .. sorry ... this questions are making me feel sad
Teresa

[sammie]

I'm not going to answer in order okay. But I will try to tell you why I think I do this ungodly thing.

I do it out of frustration. I am a nerous person with a problem that will never be solved.

I am happily married with a wonderful husband ,children, pets, beautiful home , nice figure, nice looking, not much money, but I am not a material person so that doesn't bother me.

Problem is I am still in love with my first love and can't do a thing about it. Pure frustration.
He is happily married also.
We talk on the computer sometimes and have been for about 5 years now.

We really are happy on our marriages and have not seen each other in many many years.
So you see why I am frustrated.
I wish feelings and emotions were easy to turn off.Then I could leave my past behind and move on down the road.
not so easy to do.

[firegirl]

ummm

yes~ extreme anxiety, extreme stress, extreme tension, extreme aggression, extreme any emotion except joy- picking calms me down and soothes feelings to a manageable level.

sometimes~ depending on the time of the month

yes~ i try to do good all the time, partly because if i fuck up, all i can think about is what a terrible person i am. perfectionism also plays a part in this, i think.

sometimes~ i know that everyone uses different moral judgements to regulate their life- i try to be understanding. very rarely have i ever experienced words spoken that have upset me from boyfriend. actions, however, that hurt my feelings, awaken a deep dark hatred for significant other, which i have a hard time getting over. i do, also see people that do mean things to others as completely bad.

no~ i almost wish i did though- i am aware of every painful second.

kind of~ i do feel calm and mesmerized while picking, but since i don't zone out during stressful moments... i'm not sure how to answer this question.

nope~ never.

sigh, yes~ i think that deep down that's exactly why i do it.

oh my, why do i do it? i have several theories. one is that i do it to punish myself for not being perfect. two- i do it to reward myself for being almost perfect. three- i do it because i can't help it for reasons that the part of my brain that i can't access knows. four- to keep people from getting too close/intimate- to make myself unlovable. five- to give myself a legitimate reason to hate the parts of myself that i hate about myself- kinda like self-proof. sigh- i dunno. my own thinking is beyond me sometimes.

interesting post, angel...

[cindigirl]

sammie, this is scary; i just read your post about your life, how you describe yourself, your situation, why you pick, etc. i could have written EXACTLY what you wrote and signed my name to the bottom. im not kidding, everything! wierd. i will say that i am getting a tiny bit better with each passing year about feelings for my first love. i will never completely be over it; just when i think im doing better though, i have a dream or something that kicks it all right back up. only difference is that we don't talk to each other. i have seen him at 2 weddings in 8 years. awkward. anyway, you and i seem a lot alike. i am just a nervous person. my mother always called me a worrier. anyway. thanks for your post.
cindi

[anonirresp]

i looked more into borderline personality, here is someone's website about it

huizen.dds.nl/~laura_d/

[Stef (Incubabe)]

Would you say that your picking is a way to regulate your emotions?

Sometimes

Do you experience emotions that change drastically from moment to moment?

Yes

Do you often see yourself in black and white? In other words, you seek for perfection and on occasion feel that you are completely good, but when you fail to meet your expectations, feel that you are all bad?

Yes

Do you see others in black and white? In other words, if a significant other says or does something to upset you, do you see it as a huge betrayal? Do you forget any warm feelings you had toward that person and suddenly feel suspicious?

Not really

Do you find yourself, in times of emotional crisis or simply a stressful moment, in a state of dissociation (a state of mind where you are simply "zoned out"--you are functioning, but not really aware of your surroundings)?

Yes

Do you pick your skin to reach this calming, mesmerizing state of mind?

Sometimes

Feel free to be honest about this...Do you ever pick or hurt yourself at times thinking, "I'll show them"?

No

Do you ever pick because you feel it is a way to punish yourself?

No

Ultimately, if you had to say why you pick your skin, what would your answer be?

Because I can't stop.

Just some questions I have come across in my research...still trying to understand the nature of skin picking, as we all are!!

[anonirresp]

hey, i read that treatment for bypolar is dialectical beh therapy versus cognitive beh therapy for csp, ocd..here is mor on the dialectical ..

www.palace.net/~llama/psych/dbt.html

[sammie]

Hey cindigirl, I tried to write back and respond to your post but I had problems doing it.
Anyway what I was going to say is thanks for responding to what I said. It is odd that our lives are similiar, but then again we are both human.
I wanted to tell you that my picking is much better.
I have been using mederma. It does work, it just takes a few days before you see results.
I am so impatient . I have tried probably 15 different medications on my face. I had about three scars from picking so much.
So the mederma has helped my scars. Thank God.
It is so embarressing to me to have this problem.

I still have a desire to be with my first love though. Too bad I can't apply the mederma to my heart and get that scar removed.
Hope you are doing good.
sammie

[anon irresp]

hey, here are the actual criteria..see if u fit:

u have to have 5 out of the 9

The DSM-IV gives these nine criteria; a diagnosis requires that the subject present with at least five of these. In I Hate You -- Don't Leave Me! Jerold Kriesman and Hal Straus refer to BPD as "emotional hemophilia; lacks the clotting mechanism needed to moderate his spurts of feeling. Stimulate a passion, and the borderline emotionally bleeds to death."

Traits involving emotions:
Quite frequently people with BPD have a very hard time controlling their emotions. They may feel ruled by them. One researcher (Marsha Linehan) said, "People with BPD are like people with third degree burns over 90% of their bodies. Lacking emotional skin, they feel agony at the slightest touch or movement."
1. Shifts in mood lasting only a few hours.

2. Anger that is inappropriate, intense or uncontrollable.


Traits involving behavior:
3. Self-destructive acts, such as self-mutilation or suicidal threats and gestures that happen more than once
4. Two potentially self-damaging impulsive behaviors. These could include alcohol and other drug abuse, compulsive spending, gambling, eating disorders, shoplifting, reckless driving, compulsive sexual behavior.


Traits involving identity
5. Marked, persistent identity disturbance shown by uncertainty in at least two areas. These areas can include self-image, sexual orientation, career choice or other long-term goals, friendships, values. People with BPD may not feel like they know who they are, or what they think, or what their opinions are, or what religion they should be. Instead, they may try to be what they think other people want them to be. Someone with BPD said, "I have a hard time figuring out my personality. I tend to be whomever I'm with."
6. Chronic feelings of emptiness or boredom. Someone with BPD said, "I remember describing the feeling of having a deep hole in my stomach. An emptiness that I didn't know how to fill. My therapist told me that was from almost a "lack of a life". The more things you get into your life, the more relationships you get involved in, all of that fills that hole. As a borderline, I had no life. There were times when I couldn't stay in the same room with other people. It almost felt like what I think a panic attack would feel like."


Traits involving relationships
7. Unstable, chaotic intense relationships characterized by splitting (see below).
8. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment


Splitting: the self and others are viewed as "all good" or "all bad." Someone with BPD said, "One day I would think my doctor was the best and I loved her, but if she challenged me in any way I hated her. There was no middle ground as in like. In my world, people were either the best or the worst. I couldn't understand the concept of middle ground."
Alternating clinging and distancing behaviors (I Hate You, Don't Leave Me). Sometimes you want to be close to someone. But when you get close it feels TOO close and you feel like you have to get some space. This happens often.
Great difficulty trusting people and themselves. Early trust may have been shattered by people who were close to you.
Sensitivity to criticism or rejection.
Feeling of "needing" someone else to survive
Heavy need for affection and reassurance
Some people with BPD may have an unusually high degree of interpersonal sensitivity, insight and empathy
9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

This means feeling "out of it," or not being able to remember what you said or did. This mostly happens in times of severe stress.

www.palace.net/~llama/psych/bpd.html

so anyone feels fit 5 out of 9?