looking in the mirror

[anon,irresp.]

now that i look at myself with makeup over scabs:

what a difference, how weird my skin looks compared to the skin with no scabs.

how funny it is that i can put myself in such a mode to walk around ignoring and pretending i am somewhat normal with huge scabs, for the sake to try to go on after making a decision over and over again to punch a hole in my face and body.

it is amazing how i think a pimple is ugly and popable, but how i can ignore such strangenes and go on

[Zoner]

Holy @#$!- I know exactly what you mean!
The whole reason I joined this board was that realization! I was picking myself until I had big scabs. then picked those off! I also just put a DEEP hole/scar in my cheeck. I had one of those deep inny pimples that wasn't going to pop, and frankly was barely noticeble. if left alone, it would have gone away. but i picked and poked (with a needle- to create a hole to get the sucker to pop). Then a huge scab. Then that had to be picked, to see if it would still pop- because now it was even bigger! the cycle went on for about two weeks. now that it's healed, there's a big hole.
Maybe I thought that people would think the big giant scab was just a cut or something. not a pimple!
But after thinking about all that- Isn't it better to just have a pimple!!!

[cincyskinobsessed]

I am right there with ya, sweetie. Hang in there. I also long of the day when I can actually go outside without makeup and gobs of concealor, and feel even the least bit confident. I am tired of always thinking about what everyone else is thinking about my skin. Why can't we just stop? I feel like I am insane or something. I just can't stop. Hang in there.

[FarmGirl]

I am way weirder than you guys

I go around all summer in shorts and T-shirts with these huge bruises, cuts and scabs on my legs and arms from wiping out, falling and getting kicked by critters, or running out to the store with hay in my hair, and I could care less about what people think--but if my face gets even the teeniest pimple or scab--that's IT! No leaving the house without a pound of makeup!

Then I saw the people around me up heyah in central Maine and I finally said, "Screw it!" If they don't care what they like just trying to survive up here, than neither do I! Then I got interested in healing up my skin because I had gone makeup-less for over a month and threw out all my makeup because it was going rancid.

That's when I got on-line to find out more about my skin problem and that's when I found this board. I think by admitting that I had a problem--and that it wasn't just acne--was kind of my way of telling myself it's time to stop.

I have been pick free for an entire week as of right now. I am amazed at how good my face feels and how much I've been able to do around the homestead with those 3 hours a day I would have spent in front of the mirror.

Will I relapse? Gosh I hope not, but the odds are stacked against me. This board has been a HUGE help and I'm not sure if I would have made it this far without you all.

My goal is still the same--remain pick free from 5 a.m. to 4:00 p.m.

Scabs are our bodies Band-Aids. Under those, healthy new tissue is growing and in less than a week they will naturally slough off, leaving a small area of beautiful skin. Think of all the knee scrapes we got as kids. Those scabs were HUGE and incredibly painful. They just healed because we were too busy playing.

Don't forget to have some fun in this oh-so-short life of ours

[anon,irresp.]

very good post farmgirl

CONGRATULATIONS

you are right about they are just trying to survive

we all are

its silly how we obsess over small scars, pimples as if people go around just to analyze us. actually we are all out there to survive, and i should realize i am also. i am deffinetly decreasing my chances of survival by doing this.

if someone sees my scars, so then what, they just walk on,,,,who cares what they think, it does not directly affect my life.

[Zoner]

I too loved your post farmgirl- and Congratulations!!!!!!! I'm so happy that you're pick free!

but I have to disagree with something- or perhaps just shed a different point of view.
I have always been the type of person that didn't care too much what people thought. Always just looked out for my self. But I don't totally agree with saying 'who cares what people think about my scabs and scars' because if we do, then I think we make it okay what we do to ourselves. and it's not.
We should be more concerned about what we think of ourselves. Maybe our guilt is what makes us so concerned about how others see us. Heck, If I didn't put that big scab on my face, I wouldn't be concerned what other people think. And if I truly didn't care about the scab on my face, I wouldn't be concerned what other people think. But I do hate the scab. so I do worry what other people think......
so, I shouldn't put it there in the first place.

[firegirl]

wowee- really interesting posts... as usual, i can identify with everything... isn't it crazy how much time we spend on a problem that we, essentially, create ourselves? and how we focus so closely on each individual imperfection that we lose sight of the 'big picture'?

farmgirl, i'm so proud of you! you sound like such an awesome person, and it's fantastic to see you making such progress! i, too, will wear old pajamas to school or to run errands~ hair a mess, eyes red from lack of sleep, mismatched shoes... but damnit, you can bet that my makeup's flawless! your posts are so cute- keep it up, and congratulations!