panic attacks

[firegirl]

oh, daisy, i've been checking up on this post to see how you're doing... i, myself, have struggled with anxiety issues since i was a child...

i remember switching schools when i was in third grade... at my old school we memorized multiplication tables to 10, and my new school had learned them to twelve. i still remember, on my first day (of course , being called to the board to write times tables- i (of course) was told to write down my twelves- which i didn't know.

my mind went blank, i started crying and hyperventilating, and generally freaked out in front of everyone. this was the first in a long string off anxiety attacks that followed me throughout my life, with every ordeal being worse and worse.

i have, thankfully, seemed to either grow out of them (like my teenage asthma), or, more likely, learned to manage my stress differently. i researched the physiological effects of stress, and started to pay attention to how my body reacted to stressful events. when i feel the anxiety kick in, my brain can psyche out my body into a slower heartbeat, calmer breathing, and lessened adrenaline rushes. i can now run into burning buildings, skydive, and give speeches (wierdly, the hardest to overcome) without experiencing anxiety trauma. you're a strong girl, and you can overcome this, as well!

you seem like you already know about stress 'triggers', but i understand that when your life is crazy, any tiny little incident can trigger an attack. everyone on this board is offering you good advice, and we all can relate to what you're going through.

you're right that everything is more complicated when someone else is involved- but the comfort of having someone to share your complications with is so helpful when dealing with anxiety. being alone makes everything more stressful.

good luck, daisy, i'll be thinking of you...

[sanctuary]

Daisy,

Just remember, you are not alone .We are all here with you on this site for a good reason.Thank God we have this for us to vent. I was reading all the messages from everybody and I was thinking, If I never checked into this site I would never know all these people just like me.I was going through a mess myself and was away from the site for a few days and was worried about you.I was trying to put together my thoughts so I could say something to you that would help you breathe a little bit better.Please! Try to think of the good things .Even the movie stars, and the millionaires of the world can't always find happiness easily.We are young!Life is too short!Go to the beach or the park if you can and mellow with a bottle of Evian water .If I made you laugh than I accomplished what I set out to do I hope you are feeling better! God Bless! *Sanctuary*

[scarreddaisy at school]

I am in between classes right now and I have about a half hour before my next class... Still not feeling so great. Yesterday I stayed home from school because I was beyond exhausted. I felt as though I was drugged I was so incredibly tired.. I slept from 3:00 am til 7:00am then from 8:00 am ( I had to drop my mom off at work) until 4:00 pm.. I was like a corpse. I felt horrible too when I got up.. almost like a hangover...queasy with a headache out of this world... I had the most terrifying nightmare that went along with it so it was definately not a peaceful sleep... The night prior I had a talk with my bf about some things ... nothing about anxiety or anything but about my life in general.. and as I began to open up I felt dizzy and disoriented and I actually got cotton mouth which has never happened to me before... I felt almost faint.. and I was so terrified that I began to shake horribly.. We went outside because he wanted to smoke and he was like are you cold? and I was like no.. but I was shaking so much that it looked as though I was.. Last night I got into a frenzy again... I had all this stuff I needed to do and I got overwhelemd with the idea of doing it all and the room started to spin and I just sat on my floor wanted to cry but nothing would come... my mom came in and tried to help me out a bit.. I was trying to organize my room but I just couldnt find anyplace to put anythign so I ripped apart my closet until my entire floor was covered then looked at the clock and fell apart. She got me a shelf which helped out a bit but I just felt stupid.. My picking has been minimal but the few ones that I do are really bad... I have a few breakouts which are unlike most that I have come in contact with.. they are like infected and no matter how much i go at them any thing comes out and they remain these huge bumps on my skin.. I disgust myself in how deep I will dig my nails into my skin trying in a vain effort to go underneath the bump and i dont know.. scoop it out? Its sick and I dont even feel the pain that i should trying to dig my nails that deep into my flesh.. I haven't rid myself of the bumps either.. I give up after awhile because I just cant get them... but I have a feeling that if I dont get them soon or they dont minimizer in size that I am going to have some massive wounds on my back.. I already have two impressive holes on my neck.. my bf has yet to see these...I almost hoave some on my tush... which I am really really embarrassed about.. they dont want to heal even if I dont touch them.. they stay soft and are just so easy to pick.. I avoud being intimate with him because of it.. Im thinking mayeb ill trying tanning to dry them out?? I have no idea but that is a really bad spot for me at the moment... I wonder what he will think when he sees... no, i dnot even want to know.. I found a way to steer myself away from picking at my scalp... dying my hair... open wounds hurt sooooooo badly and I have to dye my hair once a month or once every month and a half so no picking for me.. so far so good.. I haven't touched it in a long time... Anyway, I'm just writing .. mayeb to clear my mind before class so that I can think straight? I dunno.. I have like this knot in my stomach writing all of this down, but I know that you guys understand... even if I dont ever have a pick-free day and even if I continue to have these sporadic panic attacks, at least I can have for a while peace of mind and people to talk to ...thanks you guys for all your kind thoughts and stories... it makes me feel not so alone... as of now youre my only means of support and I dont know what I would do without you...

[Tacobelle]

im so glad to read ur posts... not glad about what u write, but to know i share this with other people... ive pretty much stopped going out- unless the cupboards are bare (which is pretty good cuz of the ED)... if i AM conisdering going out- i usually pull out, change my outfit 20 times, and then just start crying cuz nothing is good enough and i feel fat... and then i usally get so upset at the prospect of going out, or guilty and crap for not going out and end up picking and/or bingeing... which leaves me feeling even worse... end up just crying myself to sleep feeling sick and my face bleeding and sore...
my ex boyfreind never understood.. and my freinds just can't understand it- they dunno about my face picking... that's so shameful for me to admit to people, apart from my family, cuz it so obvious to them...

[SnowMAN]

Hi, skinpicker here also.

I was having high anxiety and panic attacks. At the age of about 40 I sought help for the anxiety. I checked into a anxiety recovery clinic. After 6 months of therapy it did help me understand whyit was happing, but I still felt it.

I saw a Phych. he put me on several different drugs. After trying many, Effexor XR and Lamictal was the ticket.

I don't have the anxiety or attacks any more.

I pick often when bored. Strange because it feels good. The only thing that eliminates the picking is when I work out and stay busy. During these times the picking goes away.

[sanctuary]

SnowMan,

I am happy to hear that the Lamictal worked for you too.A couple of years ago I had some really tuff times with my attacks.Thank goodness after trying Buspar and the Lamictal I have control when things get hectic.I still cannot believe that I have not had an episode in so long and I know its the medication that helped me.I am still searching for an answer for the picking.Goldbond medicated skin lotion,rubber fingers and before bed saying tomorrow I am going to be strong and not pick is how I deal.I hope that one day it will happen. God Bless! *Sanctuary*

[Teresa =)]

well i was reading ur messages and her eis me
i dont know what my attacks means if i have ones... right.. when i get very ansious i get hungry... and as here in my house my mom takes a lot of care of the weight of my sista is just imposible to eat all i wish.. even i wish, she almost always sit with us to lunch(i dont dinner i am not used too..) .. and tell me if i am eating to much and she evne cut my food in 2!!! hell i am 19.. evne i hate it somethimes.. i think she does for me to not get fat cause i look better thin... so i smoke and smoke and smoke.. then i get nervous i mena is a weird sensation i just cant handle myslef and yes the picking needing come and u feel weird that kind of extrange sesntation and weird thet is on ur body well i fell depress is the oposiite.
When I get dowm very down and somethimes are very bad to myslef... and i just lost my apettite... just the oposite of the other.. .. and well her eis me depresing.. i have lost a looot of weight and my freidns are worried... and always telling me that i have to stop whatever i do..and eat... is just really amazing when pple notice when i am down not for the picking necesary cause the friends, that know what i do say i look better everyday... and i never ever show them my face with out makeup only to my family... is my face expresion and body language as i am very transparent... on my way to feel also when u have this attacks is recomended to do exerciceses is just so good.. i am to hyperactive or just to lazy not a middle term.. and when i am imperactive i feell happy doing all and wheni a down i just fell horrible...
anyway the best is to breath, and to the exercises for sure...
i really dont know what else to tell u cause all here have give all ready the good advices;)
take care sweetie
Teresa

[scarreddaisy]

good news... i have not had any panic attacks as of late... though i am extremly tired from papers and exams... i have not had any Maybe it was just a phase? Who knows... my picking has been minimal as well..i went to go tanning today and washed all my makeup off feelign all brave and looked into the mirror and there were only two bad spots and not even that bad.. just kinda red from previous attempts to pop them... i walked right out the car and normally i look at my reflection in the car mirror ( sun light is evil it makesyou look so bad)... i looked and was like so be it and normally i start hyperventilating and run back into the house and put makeup on all the spots that i think are bad... instead i just pulled out of the driveway without a second thought... i felt really in control of myself.. it was nice... maybe i am in a panic attack/picking remission?? ( I dare not say cured ... too strong of a word..) ButI think a remission is possible... lets hope!!

[firegirl]

yay! i'm happy for your 'remission'

yippee ;D

[sanctuary]

Daisy,

I am so glad that you are feeling better! You have been working hard and to much pressure can come crashing down sometimes.You are a winner, so make a plan to take a Holiday break if you can!Have a fun & Happy Halloween! Boo! God Bless! *Sanctuary*

[anonymous]

Hey, I'm just an anonymous visitor, but I felt compelled to reply to your post. I've had dermatillomania for several years already, and I was always terrified of what would happen if I ever got a boyfriend. Well a few months ago, I finally did get a boyfriend. The unusual thing about my dermatillomania is that it is primarily on my breasts, so I got really stressed out about what would happen when it got to the point where he would take my bra off. That day finally came, and I explained my disorder to him. He looked puzzled for maybe half a second and then said something to the effect of "I like you for who you are." Boobies are boobies, and most teenage guys not so fussy. :-P Plus there is a lot of body dysmorphia involved in all this, so it probably didn't look as bad as it appeared to me. After this, I discovered that my skin picking tendencies decreased quite considerably. So what is the moral of this story? I sense that you are experiencing a great amount of stress and fear from having a boyfriend. The moral is that having a boyfriend only makes things better, not worse.

Good luck, and much love.

[anon12345]

Okay, after I wrote that anonymous post, I figured I might as well make a screen name since it would be to my benefit to come here more often. So hey guys! I'm a newbie!

[scarreddaisy]

thank you so much for your post... i have found actually that my picking has minimized considerably lately on accoutn on my not caring how it looks at much.. i let my bf see me with no makeup.... now .. this may seem like a trivial thing.... but only my immediate family and maybe 3 or 4 other people outside of my family have seen me without makeup.. and ive been wearing makeup since iwas 12 ( 18 now..) True I went tanning the day before to make my skin look better and make myself feel better... but i did it and i didnt get panicky or anything...he does help a lot... though i have yet to tell him anything as of yet.. you post is kind of inspiring me to tell him... i have to talk to him tonight about some serious things anyway, so i might as well through that one in there while i am at it... I think I am slightly pmsing today been kinda wacky moody, but i think its better that i tell him when i am like this than when im not because as a defense mechanism that i have adapted over the years, when i tell someone something that is very personal and possibly harmful to me ( in terms of being made fun of or rejection) i will assume a very cold attitude towards the subject, almost spiteful or sarcastic like i am bracing myself for ridcule.. it is really odd.. but iknow that i do it and i think that maybe tonight due to my being alittle more emotional than usual I can be a little softer and less rigid with him... As for panic attacks..still panic attack free... mayeb it had something to do with the planets...
Thanks again anon for your story.. that just might give me the courage i need...everyone else.. thanks for your support... seriously. It means a lot to me

[scarreddaisy]

I did it... I told my b/f about my anxiety, my panic attacks... and my picking...and he goes, "How much less do you think I love you right now? 1%? 5%?" And I was like, " I dont know" and he goes, " 0%" He told me he was happy that I could talk to him and told me that he was so proud of me on how well I was doing at school. I dont even get that recognitiion from my parents. I have 5 classes in college...16 credits.. and I have 4 A's and a B... I am serious about it and my b/f let me know just how hard it is that I work.. He's like, "When you aren't with me your at school, sneaking in an hour/2 hour nap or working on homework... I coudlnt do that. GOod for you" And he really made me feel....accomplished I guess? I needed to feel that. I am between a rock in a hard place and it seems as though everything that I do just isnt good enough. Which is why I pick... cuz I'm not good enough... its why I have panic attacks... because I freak out because something isnt good enough... I am so glad I told him. He takes Paxil for depression and he slightly has some OCD so he kind of understands the dynamics ( as for as the obsession/compulsion...) I let him see me without makeup as well and told him how big a deal it was... and he said that he didnt even notice.. all he saw was me. I feel like I have the world right now... He said to me, " I am on your side.." And the more that I think about it.. I never really had someone on my side before. They were always against me in some aspect. Not my b/f..All this talk almost drove me to a panic attack... he talked me down from it ( we were on the phone). He aws like "Lie down, everything's fine... put on soem soft music on the raido..." I just felt so safe.. Maybe this person it just what I need to get better... I told him that there are things about me that I need to fix persay myself... and that I dont let anyone help me.. But he still is helping.. just by listening and being there.. it is all so miraculous to me I am afraid to pinch myself lest I find out it is all a dream. anon , you were so right.. I was scared to at first... I told my best friend and got rejectd pretty bad... but I bit the bullet and you inspired me to do it. Thank you... its amazing how just a little story can help change a persons outlook on things...

[anon,irresp.]

i'm happy to hear that all is going well scarreddaisy. you bfriend sounds great. you two are a great supporting match.

the best part was when he said that he sees you. that is true sometimes we forget to look beyond the imperfections and picing, especially since it is so easilly visible, and we forget to credit ourselves for the hard work we put into all our good deeds, like the studying for you, and i also did very well in school, but now i feel like this picking is standing in the way of succeding in my career.

good luck with all, and i am proud and excited about your news.