panic attacks

[scarreddaisy]

Since I have cut a lot of stress out of my life I have pretty good with my anxiety.. well today I just lost it.. I was trying to get ready to go out with my friend to see Finding Nemo and I was trying to figure out and outfit and all of the sudden I was a million degrees... I stripped myself of everything save for my under garments yet still was dying of heat... i wanted to run out of my room and jump into the shower with only the cold on.. I was frantic... I ripped off my shirt so fast i smeared makeup all over it and bruised my cheeks.. I ripped out a small portion of hair cuz i was screaming.. I was also trying to put rollers in and I couldn't...they are pretty much the straw that broke the camels back... I was crying and shaking and kicking things and hyperventilating... it was awful.. I haven't done that in so long... I dont know what came over me.. I feel generally unstable now... I wrote in my diary which I haven't done in months.. since maybe june... I have been clawing at my back.. it is all ripped up... it doesnt seem to want to heal either... I am on my peroid so I'm thinking I am just having a hormonal overload... Everything is just not good right now.. I'm not sure what to do... how are you guys not picking? I feel like I am going insane trying to fix what I have done and NOT touching the new stuff... its just too much...I have a b/f now.. 3 weeks today.. he has yet to figure out anything is wrong with me ...but my back is soo bad.. I dont know what to wear to hide it.. I have to go to his sister birthday party tommorrow.. oh my god...its all the way up my neck...god damn me.. i am so upset

[Bobbie]

Hi, do you see a Doctor, about your nervous?. Don't be so hard on yourself. Take one day at a time..most of all don't be ashame..This is a sickness that needs help like any other sickness..Take one sore at a time don't pick that one...(if you have to pick do not touch that one). Each day you will feel stronger that you did not pick that one..when you can add another one and watch them heal one by one..I take a lot od meds. for my nerves,and have two wonderful Doctors that understand. Most of all try real hard not to pick around your mouth, lips or chin. A bad infection can start there.Good luck my friend

[Elsie]

Oh my gosh S-daisy!

I was struggling with panic attacks a couple of years ago, and I can relate to the racing heart, and being a million degrees, but all I ever did was take off any extra layer (coat, sweater, etc). Nothing like you're describing, which sounds very serious! One time (luckily I was at home) I was fine, then I had the thought "hmm....fall is coming" and I was suddenly hyperventilating so bad I thought I got down on my knees and crouched over and was praying and telling myself to breath at the same time. Isn't that weird? But I still don't feel like any of mine were near as serious as what you're talking about. And it's SO hard to figure out what triggers them! Are you feeling any better? Panic attacks sure have a way of sneaking up on you. I try to be on the lookout, but when I go for a while without having one, I let my guard down, and then BAM--it hits! I used to get them when my commuter train was coming. I don't know why. The loud noise of the train's approach made my heart rush, and when I got on the train, I would have to stare really hard at some object (like someone's shoe or purse), hang on as tight as I could to the seat in front of me, and talk myself through each stop. Boy I bet people thought I was wierd!

I wish I could say something that would be helpful, but I don't know what it would be. I hope you are feeling better and can think through why you might have had it. I know talking to my counselor always helped, even if just to tell her what happened.

Take care, and check in soon!

Elsie

[Canuck]

Oh, Daisy, I'm so sorry to hear that you're having a tough time. Hang in there, kiddo. Things will get better.

I've never had a panic attack, so I'm really not sure what I should tell you. I think that it would probably do you good not to dwell on a single incident, though. Even with how scary it was.

Congrats on the new boyfriend -- I knew there had to be a reason that you weren't around here so often anymore! I hope that school is going well for you, too.

[rabbitmoon]

hey scarreddaisy,
i had panic attacks for like 6 years and they are no longer a problem for me. first i want you to know that even when you feel beyond hope and trapped (as i always did) you really arent. things will change. i think there are lots of factors to panic attacks. mine started during an extremely painful and traumatic time when i was twelve. it could be cut-off emotions, fear of having no control, hormones, all kinds of stuff. hormones were i think a small part of it for me. even though i hit puberty at 12, my hormones didnt really calm down until i was like 17 or 18. right now i am on no meds at all, i see an auric healer for therapy and i havent had an attack in a long time. i know ive conquered them because many things have happened in recent times that WOULD HAVE caused panic attacks before, without a shadow of a doubt, and now they dont. my therapist has helped give me the emotional and mental tools to deal with things in the way they should be dealt with. sometimes i start to feel just a little bit of the feeling and i can think to myself "this is that thing, that comes and goes, and it has never really hurt me" and then it just falls away. because a panic attack really can not hurt you no matter how strongly you feel otherwise. take my word for it. because i HAVE felt otherwise, but i've learned a lot since then. you'll make it through this, i promise. you'll be fine. its actually a common problem. try when you feel overwhelmed to sit quietly and breath and focus your energy down to your feet. picture youself in a soft, comforting egg-shaped bubble and know that you're okay. its only a feeling. i know this sounds really corny, but this stuff has helped me. think of cottony softness. if this doesnt feel right, try just going about your business calmly and ignoring this encroaching feeling. remember you truly are fine. take care of yourself. and mostly, get proffessional help. you're tough. keep your chin up. love, rabbitmoon.

[Azarae]

Panic attacks..ugh. I started having major problems with them in mid-August.

Unfortunately my insurance covers no counseling/therapy so I went to the Dr. & told him I was going crazy & I wanted some drugs to help(no lie!).

Lexapro at 10 mg & Xanax .25 mg as needed have changed ALOT for me...I rarely have any attacks & if I start to feel one, just knowing I CAN take the Xanax if I need it usually stops the freaking out...

As for the picking, time heals...I had a massive relapse with mine this last weekend & look like a wasps nest attacked me... good luck & don't be so hard on yourself if you can help it

K.

[scarreddaisy]

I am stilll kind of jittery.. today when Iwas putting my rollers in I could feel it starting to build up... but nothing happened (thank god)...My life going so well... my family's lives arent.. and me being a part of the "family" they shackle and drag me down with them... I am just overwhelmed with their baggage.. Since I havebeen with my bf I have spent as little possible time at home and I felt like I was grasping ontomy sanity agagin. chool is wonderful.. it keeps me busy.. I am actually mad when I dont have hw...Cuz then I think.. and thats not good either..idel time= picking time...Your posts helped me calm down abit... I will have to try that cottony softness thing you mentioned rabbitmoon.. It was awful cuz I was breathing so sporadically I was getting dizzy I thought I would faint...There is one thing in life I cant stand.. loss of control... I am such a control freak and when I dont have it I feel like Ive lost everything... its so werid... anyway, just checking in saying that I am doing better... I dont have the $$ for professional help yet... but it is definately something I will look into when I have the money....

[sanctuary]

Hey Scarreddaisy,

I know what a drag panic attacks can be like.My attacks were different. I would get freezing cold and have to sweat it out with this hooded outfit and a hot water bottle. Strange huh? It would usually happen the night before a special day was planned. The stress of everything working out just the right way got me ill. I would end up being up all night, getting sick,sweating it out, worrying about things other people would not be bothered about. My episodes would happen on Christmas eve, my childrens birthdays and on any day that I loved and wanted to be perfect. After alot of trial and error, believe it or not, I found a medication that helped me. Buspar! I heard from alot of people that it didn't agree with them.I have not had an episode, panic attack in about 2 years. I take other medications for stress related issue's.I am not pushing medication, but it made me a much better person to be around. I believe therapy, meds and understanding that we can't take on too many things at one time can help alot. Take a deep breath and remember nobody expects perfection. Now if I could only stop picking that would be a dream come true. God Bless!*Sanctuary*

[scarreddaisy]

i had another one today but i didnt pick... thank god for the small things i supose

[Carree]

Daisy-

I hope you are doing better today. You haven't been posting much lately, I always looked forward to your posts because you always seem to have such a great attitude. You always make me laugh although not this time!! I'm worried about you, I hope things are going well with school and your new BF. Hang in there and keep us posted!

Carree

[Elsie]

Oh shoot, Daisy! What do you think it was about this time?

[scarreddaisy]

I got in a fight with my dad and he's a trigger...I've been doing really well though... hehe no more pulling of the hair though so I can cancel my trip to the wig factory...

[scarreddaisy]

another one...

I dont know what is wrong with me... I panicked about the outfit that I was wearing to goout with my boyfriend.. every outfit wasn't good enough... I couldnt find anything that I felt pretty in... I changed my outfit about 25 times... and then he called and was like can i come get you? and i was like no im not ready.. so an additional 30 minutes passed and I changed my outfits over and over ... to the point I am lukcy I didn't rip them they were going on and off so fast... I was hyperventialting and an all out wreck... the whole time I was like I am crazy this is so stupid... calm down! but I couldnt.. eventually I just grabbed something and headed out the door...not before my mom of course was like what is your problem? and i was so pissed the way she said it.. i was like, I had a panic attack.. and she's like knock it off... and I looked at her and swear to god wanted to slap her so bad.. I was like yeah like I just up and decided hey this looks like an ideal time to have a panic attack i think i will indulge myself... ooooooo i was pissed... well i went over to my bf's house ( like a minute and ahalf away) and I must have looked horrible cuz I walked in and he was like.. what's wrong? and becuase this is just how I am ( I dont share anything) I was like oh nothing... and he's like tell me... and I'm like nothing.. over and done with .. no need for a second thought.. and he got really frusterated with me... like we sat for about 45 minutes and said almost nothing to each other... I just felt so stupid... like oh hey, by the way.. I'm looney toons.. how are you? yanno? My picking has been really bad too... and I'm waiting for him to say something... I am so terrified of that moment... How do you explain that you hyperventialate and cry and freak out for absolutely no valid reason and that you destroy your skin in a quest for perfect skin (while simeltaneously defeating your own purpose?) I feel like that if I even ventured into that territory I would disgust him and freak him out.. not that that is how he is at all.. he is really very understanding and sweet.. but I just... I cant.. I told my very best freind about these two problems and he being the most unjudgemental person in my life... judged me.... and I am still very gun shy after that... This happened a few days ago and he hasn't said anything about it... but I feel it lurking... so, I dont know if I should just say something and get it over with (about the panic attacks... I cant even go into the other part yet.. no way) or if I should just wait until it happens again... He has told me he plans to have me in his life a very long time.. and if that is the case... I shouldn't hide things... right? God, it is so much more complicated when someone else is involved... if i was hermit I would be just fine.. no one would ever know.. if anyone has any ideas on what I should do I would be more than happy to hear them....

[angelkiss]

wow, daisy, you sound very upset and riled up right now...absolutely understandable, of course, and i feel for you very much. i have been there as well, so know that you are NOT crazy and NOT looney toons. but i think you need to take care of yourself right now. i think what you need is to take a step back from everything and a few deep breaths.

you need to love yourself before you can begin to love anybody else...like this sweet guy in your life, for example. before you can come clean with him and explain what's happening to you, YOU have to understand it. I know you probably think there is no one you can talk to right now and you feel kind of betrayed by your friend, but talking this out right now with someone who is completely impartial and sympathetic might be very helpful...i'm thinking along the lines of a counselor. do you go to a university or college where they have free counseling services? it just may be a huge relief for you.

i have done the outfit thing a million times before...i absolutely hate how crazy it makes me!! there used to be days when i thought, i look absolutely awful in everything i own...i would change clothes ten or twenty times, get hysterical, and be late for wherever i was going. i haven't done it in a while, now i have all my clothes super organized and i plan the outfit the day before and put it on the next day no matter what i think i look like. but i don't think i ever had panic attacks the way you are experiencing them, and to me that sounds like a panic disorder. it is something that can be fixed though, if you see someone about it. you might want to consider that.

just want to let you know i'm here daisy!! feel better about yourself. you're a great person and you're beautiful...this guy obviously thinks so. you just have to believe it yourself. remember to take time for yourself and learn to relax and enjoy your life. find someone to help you learn to do this. it's very important not to waste your life worrying.

Love, Angel

[Canuck]

Daisy,

I'm so sorry this is all happening to you. It sounds like an impossibly frustrating, scary experience. I wish that there was something that I could do to solve the problem but, unfortunately, the only thing I can offer to you is my ear. So, if you need to talk, I (and a lot of others on this board) will listen.

I think that Angelkiss is right in saying that you need to love yourself before you can love anyone else (or open up enough to allow yourself to truly be loved). I think that a therapist would be a very big help. If that isn't an option, maybe the boyfriend can be someone to help you. If you scare him away by telling him about your problems -- was he worth it, anyway? It would take a lot of courage. Rejection is generally terrifying.

Personally, I like having a journal to sort out my thoughts. The online journal I started when I started ZT seemed to help my picking quite a bit. When I'm pissed off, I don't head to the bathroom to take it out on my skin anymore. I keep a paper journal, as well, 'cause I'm a traditionalist.

Anyway. I'm babbling.

Good luck with everything, kiddo. We're all rooting for you.