self therapy

[dania]

I think a big part of this addiction is giving yourself self therapy. What do you need to relieve your anxiety instead of picking?
If we can look at picking as an addiction and not a thing of shame and embarrassment, it will help us very much. So we need to not pick by delaying the anxiety and distracting ourselves. When we find our hands on our face automatically, we can do a competing response that comforts us.
You are special and deserve to find a healthy way to help yourselves.

[Daybreak]

I think this is an excellent idea. I love the words "you are special and deserve to find a healthy way to help yourselves". I bought a new bathing suit one year ago intending of going to a low-impact water aerobics class. The anxiety of doing something new was a 3-4 month process - driving to the recreation center, then getting out of the car, walking to the building, going in, roaming around, walking into the changing room. But I never (scratch that) - I haven't yet gotten through the process with putting on my suit there at the center and joining the class. My embarrassment of the scars and sores is great. One day I will join the class. I honestly believe that treating ourselves "special" is a big part of the "healing". Thanks for reminding me.

[dania]

Hi Daybreak,
There are many roads that lead to recovery from skin picking. I know the shame of having picked prevents us from doing so much.
In the same book that someone mentioned, which was Lee Baer's Getting control, they talk about exposure therapy. it means just wearing the bathing suit and going to the pool. You should find no one looks at you funny and you will have a good time. It worked wonders for me and I broke out of my shell. I hope you can try this with a trusted friend for support? You've got nothing to lose!

[sb]

i agree with dania - getting over the fear is key... in therapy i arrive with out makeup and sometime we walk to crowded places.... this helps lessen my sensitivity and increases my self acceptace - it also helps for me to take accountability for my behavior - now i try not to wear makeup at all....

a few weeks ago a woman who works for my company was in line at starbucks - she looked at the scars on my right arm and said "omy gosh... are those from measal shots?" i was paralized..... i responded "No"... she added... "i didn't think so because why would there be so many.... what are they from?" she asked. i turned to her and looked her right in the eye as I aswered..."They're scars." immediately she seemed uncomfortable and she quickly stated "I am sorry, was that rude?"
i simply took my coffee from the bar and said nothing further as she lifted up her sleeve to reveal her own imperfections and show them to me as she said " see i have some too"

i walked out.... i was with my mom.... and that is what made it different... if my mom wasn't there... i most likely would have lied to the woman and told her the horrific tragedy of a fire i survived two years ago ( my base excuse) but because my mom was there.... i couldn't lie.... and i realized that i never have to lie again.... they are scars.... and they are my business, no one elses... and when i told her they were scars... she immediately realized how rude it is to ask such a question.

I share this experience because it taught me a valuable truth....
if ever someone has the balls and attempts to invade my personal privacy... i don't have to tell them why and i don't have to lie to protect myself.... the truth is that i have scars and i do not have to explain myself to anyone. this made it much easier for me to face the public with out the fear of persecution. and i love that i no longer have to worry about lying out of shame... not shame on me for having scars.... my mother taught me that if people are different (one leg, no ears, missing fingers, etc...)... it is never polite to stare or ask. and it isn't .... remember this when you put on a bathing suit and get into the pool.... people may look, and they may not.... they may ask, they may not... if they do.... please do not be ashamed... just remind them of the obvious... "they are scars"... i mean, shoot, for all they know, you could have been held down and burned by a group of cigar smoking crazies. which would not be something you would want to share with a stranger.
people are naturally curious.... all we can do is love ourselves and be kind.

[dania]

You are so smart, SB! It's a great example of one of our fears happening, and turning it into one of our strengths. Good for you and for all of us!

[sb]

thanks dania for your kind words. it is empowering.... like i posted on the support board under "scars and dealing with the public"... it was comforting to state the obvious truth instead of hiding behind my own b.s. we deserve to face society with honesty and still preserve our own safety(mental and physical). i wanted to share it because it made me feel strong and brave and safe... i exposed myself to my fear, faced it, and ironically never truly exposed myself in the process. my mom.... after we walked out of starbucks said..."i just love the way you handled that." if felt so respected and appreciated and loved by her and myself. she and i were then able to have a close talk about it and we have had several others since. there is much to the mother element that i am beginning to explore and understand. i see two therapists. one for csp (behavior therapy) the other is psycho dynamic. the two play well off eachother.... i am peaking on two new and interesting contributors.... 1 - my mothers alleged jealousy of me during my childhood (alleged because it could have been only my perception) .... and 2 - my oral needs not being met as a baby. ( i was only nursed 4months) all of my relationships are improving as a result of therapy and meds. i am making progress with my behavior and my automatic negative thoughts. i am observing life from a more realistic perspective. i have less conflict in my life. i monitor every urge to pick and record it in detail. every negative thought i track as well. i am a firm believer in behavior modification because the way i see it..... it is an active and immediate step. it is real and it is right now. chemical or not....


WE CAN NOT CONTROL WHAT WE THINK
WE CAN NOT CONTROL WHAT WE FEEL
WE CAN CONTROL HOW WE BEHAVE

love to everyone!

[dania]

sb,
It really gets me through: I just wanted to repeat what you said, that we can't control our thoughts or our feelings. We can change our behavior. I just acknowledged my feelings this hour and picked up a good book, and most of the urge has disappeared; now I'm just still being careful not to go in front of any mirrors or itch at my face, looks like I may be in the clear.....

[sb]

i got a little sun and took a short vacation. i did not wear makeup the entire time. when people looked at me, i told myself..."i do not know what they are thinking" women stare more often than men.... i struggle with facing people. it was nice to not care about how i looked. wake up, throw on flip flops and a dress and head down to the water side. hard for me to be in hotel bathrooms.... at home all my mirrors are covered. so glad to go to the mail box today and receive the proactive i have been waiting for. i like the stuff... i like the idea and method of smoothing something on my face to combat acne. this stuff is the only product that does not harsh me out and evens out my tone. i always feel a little prettier when i have a slight tan. what book did you get? lately i have been thinking about dermibrasion a lot. ever done it? know about it?
sb

[beensqueezin]

Sb

Hi Hun, You are a very knowledgeable person. Earlier when I wrote to you "I don't trust Professinals" I was not aware that you go to the LA clinic. When I first began to look for info on the net I ended up there and they were really resourceful. They seem to be one of the few clinics dedicated solely to skin picking. I hope all is well.

Oh Micro is good for bad skin but another thing that I am told works well is glycolic acid peels. They really refine the skin, I had a couple of them, you realy have to keep it up though to get the full results. I am going to begin treatment again. It gently refines the skin Look into it.

I know you are already spending agreat deal of money on other things but great skin can improve your attitude greatly!
Angela

[dania]

Hi SB,
I'm pretty much against microdermabrasion for myself or anything that might irritate the skin, or cause me to obsess about it. When I did that, I picked more. So I don't anymore.
I'm real big on facial massage, or a little makeup or cream, but nothing where one goes somewhere special and gets worked on on their skin.
(UNLESS there is a true acne or skin problem; which I do not have. I MAKE my own skin problems every couple months.)
I know there's the "if we look good we feel good" argument someone may be thinking, and if it works for them more power to them. But I don't believe that picking is about SKIN for me. It's about other things, which I won't get into right now, but in a nutshell since I feel this picking is like being an alcoholic, I have to avoid any place that could be my equivalent of a "Bar" and skin places are such for me.
Love,
Dania

[smoothie]

Hi! I remember reading a while back ago that one of the reasons people pick is some form of self-masochisim and self-abuse originating from lack of self-worth, esteem, feelings of inadequacy,.........picking is an actual behavior "manifestation" of those feelings,........it's kinda like "ya see,...I AM BAD,...I GOTTA HIDE"! I know this kinda sounds like psychoanalytic psychobabble,...but it seems to make sense to me!!! What does anybody else out there think?

[beensqueezin]

Smoothie,

I I definately think there is truth to what you are saying. Fror the most opart I don't feel that way but when I get started and keep going I begin to feel that way strongly. That is why I keep going because I don't care, I don't think I am great sometimes my family makes me feel like I am not great and I need to be put beneath them. Sometimes I do that for them. They put me in the mind set that I am a nobody and I never will have anything even though I know THIS IS NOT TRUE< mY mother says it because she never had anything other then what my father handed to her on a silver platter.

I need to get out of this repressed environment. My only problem is that when I move and take my baby with me they say that even a baby can go into depression if the people she is familiar with and smiles at everyday are no longer in her life. I have had enough. I was mentally abused by my brother mother fathere and the baby's father durring my entire pregnancy and I think my baby has felt enough anguish and pain. I look at her and can almost cry because she has been through alot.

I think This world can be very cold. Thank GOd there is some warmth on this site

Angela

[dania]

SMoothie- I think it could start out like that and then when you feel better about yourself you are stuck with this Incredibly destructive behavior; a bad habit gone wild. Like, when I was young I used it to repress feelings and to punish myself, but now after I worked out my pain I do it because it is a way to reduce stress and it's ingrained in my body like breathing.

[smoothie]

Dania,....I agree with you totally,....at soon to be 51 next month,....I'm STILL picking and have managed to work out a considerable amount of 'KINKS" in my life. I too now do it as a tension/stress releaser,.....the problem is that I don't even know I'm doing it like when I'm driving!!!!,...if you can believe that????Pretty amazing getting into an accident because I was busy picking!!!!!!!!! Anyway,...I've thought often of taking up knitting/crocheting, I've also noticed that I pick alot when my hands/feet are dry,...so I'm always putting on cream,.....at times I've put on nail hardner/polish which has helped somewhat until it peels,......I think my biggest personal issue is feeling like I'm stopping by myself!!!! I would prefer to do this in a group!!!! I really don't care much about learning to knit or crochete,...however,...if I were doing it with others to stop picking,....I know it could work for me!!!! WHERE COULD I FIND SUCH A THING? ANYONE OUT THERE INTERESTED??? I

[scarreddaisy]

It is so weird that you mentioned crocheting because I've been done that since 5th grade.. right around the same time I started picking . I would go for hours and hours... your mind can flow so freely when you do it... and your hands have constant stimulus so there is no wandering hands... Im 18 years old, just turned and I find that little things like crocheting or gardening ( another thing i do to get my mind off picking,, cuz who can pick at themselves when they have dirt under their nails.?? yeah doesnt work ! ) A lot of people mention that they do their picking unconsciously... well things like the ones I have mentinoed.. if you get into them you begin to do them unconsciously as well and your mind tends to wander and you can think freely.. or sometimes its that trance and you just have peace of mind..As for finding a group I do not know of such a place or thing but since you've found this site your never really alone and your struggle is understood and shared.. everyone here is here for you and your success is ours. Remember that always...