I've given up.

[blondie88]

I'm back. Finally I've had some time to come back here again, plus I fixed my computer.

But my picking is worse than ever. Late last month I started the 2-headed CSP chart, and didn't pick much or very slightly anyway. But somewhere around the 14th day, the day after my birthday (unfortunately I failed to entirely keep my Keep Skin Pick Free (KSPF) promise), I went for it completely. Forgetting that I had a major dance performance the next day too!!! Ugh I was SOOOOOO pissed off with myself when I finished. I mean honestly, how could I have forgotten about my performance?? If I had known then I probably wouldn't have picked. Actually I'm not even quite sure. Oh well.

So I decided to start all over again the next day. Lol I picked 2 days later. Then all over again the cycle began again. And I've been picking every day since the 7th - sure I admit some days not as much (well alot more in comparison to earlier this month), but some days - like today - incredible. I don't think my skin will ever heal!!! I've had the same scabs for the past few months. I put Penaten cream on them everyday but nothing works.

AND I HATE IT!!! I SCREAM AT MYSELF, I TRY EVERYTHING!! I KNOW THAT I'LL BE SEEN BY EVERYONE THE NEXT DAY AT SCHOOL, DANCING, THE SHOPS ETC, BUT I STILL PICK!! argh. even if I stop, then i'll still come back to it.

I've given up. I was hoping to stop by the 28th of May when I've got the annual ball for my dance group. Fat chance of that happening. Speaking of fat, I still haven't lost any weight. I wanted to lose at least 2kg before the ball, yet every time I pick I lose all hope and don't bother going on my treadmill. Argh!!

I've also realised that I don't need stress management. I'm not stressed - my problem is that I pick and I get pissed off. Then I don't do anything else the rest of the day, except for feel depressed and think suicidal thoughts. I shouldn't have gone to that counsellor. She disregarded my CSP, and told me that my skin looked good!!! WHEN I HAD LAYERS OF FOUNDATION AND CONCEALER OVER ZILLIONS OF SCABS!

I really can't take it anymore. The sides of my forehead are clear because of the Retin-A, but the centre is awful. I've given up on the blackheads on my nose - well if its a major session then I'll still manage to fit them in. My chin.. it's almost always peeling from excessive Retin-A and eryacne. my cheeks are scabby and scarred. My jawline is awful - my left side has heaps of scabs which haven't healed for months. My hairline has heaps of scabs too. Argh. If I took a pic of how I looked without makeup then I think everyone would be scared. Argh!!

What should I do? I'm only 17, I don't want this to continue on for the rest of my life. In the past 5+ years it's gotten alot worse. Mostly in the past half-year. And I know it'll only get worse in time. This year is my biggest year - I have my HSC (In NSW, Australia, it's the final exams which determine your University entrance), and later on my school formal - last time i'll see anyone from my school. I know that if I pick then I'll be depressed, won't study, and will fail. And that people will remember me as the hot girl with scabs and scars.

Please help me, in the past 2 months my picking has almost doubled. I won't see a therapist because my parents wouldnt approve, plus it's too expensive and I don't want to miss out on my schoolwork. Is there ANYTHING I can do? My parents can't tell the difference if I've picked anymore coz I always have horrible skin now.

Please help

[blondie88]

oh shit i just found a pic i took of my face about 2 years ago. I had just gotten a digital camera and was taking pics of everything. My skin is so clear.. No pimples, no blackheads, no scabs, no scars, nothing. Just a few freckles scattered across my nose. And yet I remember that right after I took this pic I went straight into a picking session. What would've been there to pick?? Oh well. I wish I looked like this. I feel even worse now.

[Froglet not signed in]

Hey Blondie.,
Im sorry your having such a hard time of it. I think the age you are at right now is an extremely difficult one when it comes to picking. I was at my worst then, and those Ive spoken to were too. Hormones and stuff make it harder to manage. Hopefully it will become easier with time. In the meantime, why not join me and some others on the ZT board. We started a little support group called team Uk. We are all trying to stop together. Its a great place to let off steam, and get advice.
You are the only one who can put an end to your picking. You just have to summon the strength. Its difficult, but we CAN gain control of this. Hope we can help keep your spirits up throughout this.
Best wishes,
Lara x

[playinwitfire]

Heya

Do what Froglet said, join us on Team UK i'm on it and it's brill with constant feedback and support. To tell the truth all of us on there are having just as hard a time as you are.

I'm doing the two headed CSP chart too and i get really pissed off when I realise it's really just turning into a chart of repeated failure like its rubbing it in my face. I'm on day 5 and have picked on every day apart from 1.

I think you have to keep it going for months before it really starts helping. Keep doing the charts and compare them and you should see progress.

As far as the therapist goes I havn't had much luck either. There are not many therapists out there who understand what we have and its so frustrating when I think about the number of times I have felt my CSP is underestimated by the ppl close to me and psychs.

gtg late for my lesson keep in touch

c u on teamUK gal

xxbaixx

[blondie88]

sure okay I'll join your team
I actually already had my own progress thread in the ZT board, but what the heck!
I've calmed down alot, but it won't change the condition of my skin. I've put all my tweezers away I had 5 pairs lol. I put them in an old jewellery box.. along with a nail file and several other sharp implements. I plucked my eyebrows beforehand so that I won't have to do them for another weeks. I'm slowly on my way (again)to my (probably millionth) road to discovery

[Froglet]

;DWilll be a pleasure to have another member on our team!
Heh heh... I know how you feel! I too had about 10 pairs of tweezers, and a handful of those metal nail files. My boyfriend made me chuck most of them, but i had a secret hord!
I made a break through with the skin on my chest and for the first time in years, actually managed to go out in a low cut top! It didn't last long though, and right now I think Id get some pretty freaky looks if I wore that same top!
The difference now though is that I know I can do it, I guess Im being pretty lazy about it right now.

My therapist was pretty pants too... I got the impression he didn't really understand. I felt like I was wasting his time with my silly little problem.
Anyway, who needs therapists, we can all do this! It takes hard work, determanation and a positive attitude.
Its not going to be easy, but we just need to repeat positive thoughts to ourselfs! Ignore that little arse of a voice who makes you feel like crap - why is that the one we all listen to?! Bring forward the tiny little voice that thinks that you can do this, and let that one do all the talking for a change!
Anyways, Ive been bad today, so tomorrow I will start afresh and really put some effort in! Its good to be doing this with others. It feels like Im not just trying for myself anymore, but for everyone else too! If we can do this, it'll be such an incentive for others too.
Anyways, see ya on the team,
Lx