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Post by Jo Blow on Jul 22, 2007 2:56:08 GMT -5
I know this is the standard beginning to many, many of these posts, but.....I cannot believe I am not alone. For the longest time, I felt that I must be the only person in the history of the world who scratched her head until it bled, and then picked off the scabs. For whatever reason, it is comforting to know that I am not, in fact, the only person who does this. Far from it, as it appears. I will also to admit to not really wanting to stop. I have been doing it since the 4th grade, and I am 43. (At this point, I am more embarrassed about telling you how old I am than that I compulsively scratch my head!) If I wanted to get technical, I could probably pin-point the exact day and time I started, mainly because I know exactly why I started: it was because my mom and my two sisters hassled me so much about everything, they constantly criticized everything I did, everything I said, pretty much everything about me. They made me incredibly insecure, but that is a story for another time....as I said, they could never leave me alone about anything, and they seemed esp. obsessed with making sure i never touched my hair. For some reason, this was considered so filthy, it was tantamount to having leprosy, to ever touch your head or your hair. They had me convinced that to scratch your head was the ultimate in uncleanliness, that it was so unsanitary, that if you ever did it, you might as well shave your head or something. They made me feel that to merely touch your head or hair was as filthy as if you had lice. But think about it: sometimes your head itches. In the normal course of things, sometimes your head itches, and you scratch it, right? Most normal people would think nothing of it, but they made it their mission in life to hassle me constantly, so that things most people would take for granted as being normal, I was made to feel very, very abnormal about. (This was so ingrained in me, that you should NEVER touch your head, under any circumstances, that once, when I saw my mother casually scratch her head, I was as shocked as if I had seen her light up a cigarette or take out a shotgun. And yes, my mom and sisters were very hypocritical about everything, as in it was okay for them to do certain things, but again, for me, these things, whatever they were, were wrong.) I am getting off the topic here, but I am trying to describe, if only for myself, the origin of my scalp-picking. It comes down to something as simple as Forbidden Fruit and Revenge. (If any parents are reading this, indeed, if anyone has even read this far, pls do not ever underestimate the allure of forbidden fruit; anything you make that attractive by constantly harping against it, be it staying out late, or driving fast, or necking on the couch with your boyfriend, be careful. Your child will almost certainly do the very thing you have been so adamant that they should never, ever do.) As I said, very simple: my mom and my sisters made scratching my head such a forbidden activity, that of course I was irresistibly drawn to it. And they made me so angry because they were always yelling at me and criticizing me that to get back at them, I scratched even more. It was like, "So, you don't want me to ever touch my head, even for a second, for a normal, tiny little itch? Well, I'll show you. I'll show you scratching like you have never seen before!" And so a habit was born.....And as I read these posts, I see myself over and over: the person who delights in pulling the scab intact out her hair, the person who saves them all and likes seeing them on a dark background or who shakes all the dandruff out on a pillow, just to see it, the person who is afraid to go to the hairdresser--for instance, it has happened to me at least twice, that someone cutting my hair has asked me about the scabs on my head. The first time was when I was about 15, and I believe she only brought it up to embarrass me. (I wish I had just ignored her, because when I pretended not to know what she was talking about, she said, well, it looks like you have been picking at it, and I thought, so, if you believe I know it is there, then why are you telling me about this scab, if not to make me feel bad? Of course, i never think of the right thing to say until it is too late, esp when I was young.) The second time it happened, the lady who cut my hair was genuinely concerned for me: she thought it was the sign of some terrible disease. I felt bad when I had to admit I had done it to myself. Then she offered me a referral to a place that gave free counseling...which was nice of her, but which brings me to my next point: I don't want to stop. I truly and honestly don't want to stop. I realize to the average person, maybe, it sounds like a gross and disgusting habit, and maybe it is, but it brings me some measure of comfort, and what is wrong with that? I have made my peace with it, so to speak, and just writing about it right now has helped me. It helped me to verbalize, so to speak, the origins of it, and it has certainly helped me to know that I am not alone. And it is also almost as enjoyable as doing it, to write about it. One post I read mentioned being able to look at "her prize" when she pulled a scab out of her hair, intact, and, boy, do I identify with that. I have come to recognize all sorts of scabs, in all sorts of stages, from the very red ones, to the yellow and orange ones, to the yellow and white ones....does anyone else know what i am talking about? Like, when you have just a shallow scrape, and an almost-immediate scab forms, but it is not blood, just the yellow stuff? (not a very scientific explanation, but it will have to do) Or the feel of a scab, when you return to a certain spot, and you feel the scab that has formed, and you get a rush? I love finding scabs unexpectedly, and I love how they feel large, because they are under your fingertips, and I love how the blood shows up under your nails, I love finding little spots of blood on my pillowcase, when a scab will form overnight, and I sometimes love scratching my head all over, so that it is covered in many, many shallow scrapes, and then I pour water over it, and it stings like crazy. Speaking of which, do I sound totally crazy? Probably, but I also know that there is at least one other person who probably agrees with. Now you can see why I can't give it up: anything that can be described so thoroughly and with such affection must be important to the person doing the describing, right? God, I just love scratching my head, and I have never come out and said it in so many words, to anyone. I love scratching my head, so hard that it bleeds and scabs form, and then I love picking those scabs off my head, so that they bleed even more, and then I pick those, and.......well, you get the idea. I cannot believe I have written so much about it, but it is incredibly liberating, you have no idea.
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Post by Lmf on Jul 26, 2007 18:04:45 GMT -5
I consulted my doctor who was very concerned because it dangerous.
Your body is busy always trying to heal the sore(s) and this compromises your immune system, your white blood cells go up in response to fighting the invader.
Also, if you get too deep and it gets infected -it is really dangerous and may get into your blood system.
These facts made me slow down a lot. I still have to fight the urge (and lose sometimes) but I keep thinking about the dangers and that has helped!
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Post by RAE on Jul 30, 2007 23:59:18 GMT -5
Hi everyone, I just sat here and read through all six pages of postings. One hand on the computer and one on my scalp. I have recently asked my husband to pray for me in hopes that I will get more strength to help me stop this awful habit. I, like alot of you, am already taking Zoloft for depression. I started my differnt forms of "self torture" when I was in elementary school and I am now 52. I remember biting my nails and then sticking the nails between my teeth until my gums would bleed. Somewhere along the way I started picking at my scalp. I can really relate to those of you that have said you actually feel some kind of release and of being zoned out when you do this. That is why I feel it is a sort of stress reliever for me. I tend to be a perfectionist and grew up with a perfectionist mom and my dad was a alcoholic. This could be part of my problem. I just know that I really want to stop. Some of my family know I do this and try to encourage me to stop and others tease me about it. They just don't realize how hard it is to control. I don't smoke, drink or have any other bad habit. It is somewhat comforting to know their are others out there like me. I really want to overcome this. Pray for me and I will keep all of you in my prayers.
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Post by Sizzle on Jul 31, 2007 17:03:58 GMT -5
Jeez....I've been picking at my scalp for a year now. Basically 2 spots -- one right smack in the middle of the top of my scalp, and a little spot an inch left of it. It all started last summer when I felt little pimple like things up there after a day of golfing. I've picked every scab that ever showed up on my body, but luckily I've made out ok. But these things on my head are driving me INSANE! Its an endless cycle -- shower, they heal a bit, then they get just to that 'pickable' state, and I pick them. Hit them with some polysporin. Shower, repeat. I ride a bike to and from work, so I get some serious sweaty exercise going twice a day -- 2 times to shower and try to get these damn scabs to heal. Oh yes, the embarrassment to get a haircut -- been thru about 4 cycles of this now, typically timing my haircut for when the scab is just about gone / not-too-offensive. I'm totally pissed that I can't seem to conquer these damn sores. I'll make these little pacts with myself: "ok, just try to make it till thursday without a pick" or "try to get 3 showers in without any picking", but I haven't been able to meet any of even the most meager of these goals. It just feels so damn good to peel that little bitch off, when its just sitting there so ripe for the picking. I like to think that the sores get about 10% better with each pick, but inevitably I get a bit aggressive on the pick and set myself back ANOTHER week......jeezus. Yes, i'm on a mild dose of zoloft to treat a mild depression (3 years now, no problems - largely work / career related stresses....) -- I don't see that the Zoloft helps or hurts. Oh, and just now, my boss just came into my cube and said "WHoa! what the hell happened to you?" as he's looking down on the top of my head......."oh, its getting better. I bumped it when I was framing out the basement a while back. It sure has been a bitch." ugh. I'm gonna just conquer this bitch the old fashioned way. I'm not gonna touch my head for a week, no matter how good that delightfully pickable scab feels. Wish me luck........
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Post by Calanna on Aug 5, 2007 12:33:03 GMT -5
I've currently got about 7 open sores on my head. I give my hair a good washing and massage my scalp gently, and then I feel "clean" from the picking. After every hairwash I promise myself I'll let all the sores heal normally, but within a day, scabs start to form and I can't stop myself!
I've tried cutting my nails very short and wearing ponytails so I won't pick, but nothing really helps. Alot of hair comes out with the scabs and I've got several patches of baldness which is so embarrassing. I too NEVER go to a real hairstylist, but I'd love to get a new style if only I could stop this bad obsession!
Have any of you tried hair implants? Or does the hair eventually start sprouting out of the scars once you manage to stop the picking? Also...are we all women on here, or do men pick their scabs too, but maybe not as much?
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Post by helen on Aug 7, 2007 6:14:57 GMT -5
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Post by samantha on Aug 8, 2007 8:20:18 GMT -5
Hi there...all you guys that have been picking your scalp, not feel bad cos i do it so much, when im driving, when im at my computer, when im with friends, with family basically anywhere and everywhere...i njoy it but im damn irritated cos i do it almost every second, its become so much a bad habit and its frightening. I requested that my daughter give me a shot on my hand whenever i do this but my problem is i only see her after work, which leaves me digging my head the whole day..how this habit formed i dont know, but its embarassing. I never thought anyone noticed until everyone at home was having a fit when they saw me. I scratch my head so much until it bleeds and my hands are sore. Its painful and I really dont know what to do...can anyone of you guys tell me if this is realted to DEPRESSION...thanks
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Post by samantha on Aug 8, 2007 8:25:08 GMT -5
Hi there...all you guys that have been picking your scalp, do not feel bad cos i do it so much, when im driving, when im at my computer, when im with friends, with family basically anywhere and everywhere...i njoy it but im damn irritated cos i do it almost every second, its become so much a bad habit and its frightening. I requested that my daughter give me a shot on my hand whenever i do this but my problem is i only see her after work, which leaves me digging my head the whole day..how this habit formed i dont know, but its embarassing. I never thought anyone noticed until everyone at home was having a fit when they saw me. I scratch my head so much until it bleeds and my hands are sore. Its painful and I really dont know what to do...can anyone of you guys tell me if this is related to DEPRESSION...thanks
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Post by SAMANTHA on Aug 8, 2007 8:28:44 GMT -5
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Post by samantha on Aug 8, 2007 8:34:55 GMT -5
I really thought that i was the only one that did this silly, "cant get rid of habit" i do it all the time, i wash my hands every ten minutes cos my nails have blood...now i cut my nails short n im flippin angry with myself cos im not able to dig theses spots with satisfaction...well pray for me and i'll pray for u as well...take care
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Post by lu on Aug 9, 2007 20:24:12 GMT -5
Hi all you scalp pickers, I guess I'm not alone. I pick the dandruff from my scalp constantly, I use to pick my scalp until it bled and scabs would form, but I've since stopped that and only pick at the dandruff. I can't stop, even when I want to, it is a subconscious thing and half the time I don’t even realize I'm doing it. It is always embarrassing when someone asks you what you are doing; I try to change the topic right away. I always try to make it look like I am scratching my head or resting my head in my hands, but my fingers are ferociously feeling for loose skin I and pick and discard, maybe it goes back to our ancestors the great apes, this picking of the skin, some ancient habit we are conditioned for, the way apes groom for bugs and other substances in their fur. I'm trying to stop, but it is very difficult, I wish everyone the best of luck.
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Post by hate scabs on Aug 20, 2007 17:31:37 GMT -5
hey..i've posted here a few times...but now i'm really starting to get FED up with myself.. it started about a year ago with me just picking at dandruff, then 2 scabs, and now about 7 different scabs. just like everyone else, i cannot seem to stop myself. i have these 2 scabs in particular that are HUGE and whenever i feel my head i cannot help but rip them off because i cannot deal with their sensation on my head. i REALLY need a haircut, too. but i cannot seem to stop for more than a day for these damn scabs to heal. i was diagnosed with anxiety before i started picking...and meds did not help at all with the picking... i always say im just going to stop because its GROSS and the scabs are getting so big that it messes with my hair (when i pull them off, hair comes with it..and the scabs are just gigantic) it hurts so bad and it bleeds sometimes..so you think i would stop. nope. i love getting a scab off when it is moist and takes some skin with it....i know DISGUSTING. i've tried everything...nothing stop me from picking. i'm trying to find something that will make my scabs heal quicker so i am not so tempted to pick them off. whenever i go a few days without picking, they are so pickable because they won't hurt as much..and this just makes me want to rip them off more.. uhh i'm there with you ALL! i'm going to go put some aloe on my scabs that i just picked now..i hope that will help a lil'  and that post above..about a doctor warning...that might help me a little bit! thanks! |
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Post by howsitgonnabe on Aug 23, 2007 22:36:31 GMT -5
hi there, this is all relatively new to me, the message board i mean, not the scalp picking. i found this board because i was trying to find a way to tell my boyfriend about why i have very thin and prettymuch bald spots on my head, why i have scabs/open cuts and basically why he is never allowed to touch my head, i thought if i anonymously sent this website and a few others to him, he might i dunno, just understand a little more and not think im a total freak. well right now, even i think im a total freak. ive been scalp picking and hair pulling on and off for the past 11 years. when i went to college last year it just got worse and any therapist or psychiatrist ive gone to has only suggested medication to stop it but i just cant do that to my body, just not yet, im a teenager, i dont want any of that in my body. i guess ive just hit an all time low, i have a huge sore on my head that i keep picking at and its spreading below my hairline onto my forehead, i have to go back to school next week, but i just dont know if i can. i really just wanted to talk to some people that understood what its like to not be able to stop and to maybe even like the minimal pain you feel when you rip a scab off, i know its weird but its true for that minute or so, its just so relieving. sorry this is so long, i just needed to get it out.
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Post by juli on Aug 24, 2007 1:38:32 GMT -5
Does anyone use rosemary hair products? They really work for me. For one thing, there is a really pleasant tingle that is reminscent of a picking sensation. Also, I've read that it stimulates hair growth as well as prevent hair from falling out. Besides, it's rosemary and not some crazy chemical whose name we can't even pronounce!
Just wanted to share that, Juli
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Post by CAB1206 on Aug 27, 2007 19:45:01 GMT -5
I had this also and my hair is now growing back. I think the spot was bald for about 6 months and then all of a sudden it just started growing back. Luckily I have only had one such spot as I have several spots on my head that I pick at. Good luck.
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;D 
