Anyone on this forum who is pickfree?

[Greta]

It would be interesting to hear storys from you people who consider yourselfs as pickfree. For how long have you been pickfree? How have you managed to become pickfree? Any special method that has worked? Do you still feel a compulsion to pick?

And a philosophic question: What does it mean to be pickfree? When is a person out of risk?

[Dreamer]

It makes me sad that no one has responded to you as being pick-free. We will all get there someday! Just keep on hangin there....


Dreamer

[Guest]

Okay. I'm starting my third month of not picking. The first two weeks were very hard for me, and contained what I feel was a dignified amount of crying and screaming. The first two weeks I stopped washing my face with soap, because I realized that I scrub to hard, and being in front of the bathroom mirror was to tempting. I just washed my face off twice a day with a wet paper towel, and it didn't do damage. I bought a bottle of hand sanitizer and put it on the opposite side of the room from the mirror. Every time I felt an urge to pick I told myself 'I have to clean my hands first.' By the time I was finished putting on the hand sanitizer I had some time to think about going over to the mirror and actually picking. I started exercising twice a week, no excuses. It doesn't have to be at the same time or day, but at the end of the week I have to have exercised twice, on two separate days, for at least 30 minutes. It actually relieves a lot of stress, and I feel the urge to pick less. It's like a preventative measure.
It may sound kind of disturbed, but I actually spent the first two weeks watching my pimples resolve themselves. It was a way to convince myself that if I didn't touch them, it would still turn out okay. I do still get the urge to pick, but now I'm fully aware of it. When I get the urge clasp my hands together, just so I know where they are. If it gets really bad I shake them for a few minutes. Also when I feel like I really want to pick, I get online and go to a forum like this one and read the tips, or I search for articles on problems caused by picking. I don't want to read the problems articles, because they scare me, and it works like negative reinforcement. After the first two weeks I started looking in the mirror again, but with my hand locked together. Every time I did I kept telling myself that my skin looked better than it did before (even if it didn't). I'm feeling more confident know, even with breakouts.

I hope this is helpful,
Melissa

[mt]

I have been pickfree for six weeks.

Basically, I used to pick all the time--during periods of high anxiety or depression, the picking would get worse. At one point, my whole scalp was covered in scabs...I have some small scars because of the picking, which had been going on for around 4 years. I used to have places that I would pick that had been around for six to seven months.

I don't really know how I stopped. Basically, in the past 4 years I have had very heavy trauma--my best friend died unexpectedly, I had a mini-breakdown and was hospitalised for six weeks, my boyfriend committed suicide when I was in the next room, my house got robbed...About three months ago I felt less heavy and my psychologist said that I've made a lot of progress--not so emotionally attached anymore, now able to function, now am doing Uni and working...

The picking stopped full stop when I got offered a job doing something where I would be under heavy scrutiny for 14 hours a day. Where I would have to look as perfect as I could. And I couldn't pick at my face, I couldn't have scabs or open wounds. If I did, I would have gotten fired..

So somehow, I stopped. I am still healing on my scalp where I had one place...I feel the urges to scratch at it...but I bite my nails instead.

I don't know what stopped me from picking, just as I don't know why I am now able to function but I feel better about myself, and less self conscious, not having to worry about scars or scabs or open wounds on my face or scalp.

It's strange though, this has been an ongoing problem for me and I have never spoken to my psychologist about it. My dermatologist, every time I see him lectures me about picking and I try to explain that I am compulsive and he would just say, ok compulsively not pick...

[Greta]

Thank you for answring my questions and for sharing your stories. It helped me a lot to read about you who actually have managed to stop. Sometimes I feel so sad beacause we are so many who have had these problems for so long. Will we ever get pickfree? But what you two wrote, Melissa and mt gave me a lot to think about. Right now I´m so far from pickfree as you can get. It´s terrible. But maybe I can be pickfree too!

I hope we all can tell our pick-free-stories her some day! Are you pickfree? Please tell me.

[kimj]

I am working on it, but far from being totally pick free. In the past week I have been really good: only picking a few places, but not enough to cause scabs. In quitting picking my body, I have realized that I pick and bite around my nails lately though and they are getting ugly, but I'm glad I have been able to cut way back on my legs.
I dont think ANYONE in the world is completely pickfree. Everyone, even people without csp, pick something from time to time like a black head or zit. Nobody is perfect, but I think everyone on this message board has the power to quit damaging themselves. That's why we're here right? Congratualtions MT and Melissa.

[airliner]

TEXTdoes anyone ever eat their scabs?

[Eyahnah as guest]

Eating the scabs is almost like my reason to pick. As sick as it is, getting a good scab is a small thrill. So it popping a pimple, which I'm sure a lot of people on this site know about. I have spring break now and I just put on my gloves. I haven't been to this site in a while and reading everyone's elses problems is making me sick of myself. I don't really have that bad compared to those who need to take anti-depressents or have serious acne conditions. So this week I've resolved to suck it up, keep the gloves on, and see how far I can go. Good luck strong will to me and to everyone here! (and sorry that my post is random compared to what the thread started out as.)

[louise]

hey
i am far from pick free, and have maybe had a string of 2 pick free days a few times here and there since i was about 10, i'm 24 now and it is waaay too long. BUT the most recent time i had some pick free days, i was in a somewhat stressful place in life--living at home with mom again SUCKS after being independent for quite some time, working an annoying job...but i too was exercising several times per week, and i found this book called Brain Lock by a UCLA psychiatrist named Jeffrey Schwartz. The book is mainly about OCD, but that is the most written-about problem that i can relate to in terms of my skin picking and hair pulling. it's like, once i think of doing it, i can't get over the thought until i DO do it, and then i just think of another zit to pop or another hair to pull even though it makes me look worse in the end and there never is a sense of "there NOW i'm DONE and i don't need to pick any more." but anyways this book is about people who greatly reduced their compulsive behaviors, some to zero, and actually changed their brain function, just using "cognitive behavioral therapy," ie trying to change their thinking & response. steps are:

1) Relabel--realize the desire to pick is not YOU, it's a COMPULSION, a little brain glitch that is not truly part of you--you know the little thrills picking has but you know overall in your life it is highly painful and costly, and this desire is not truly part of what makes you YOU. so when you think "oh i want to pick", try to relabel the desire by replacing "i want..." with "my brain glitch wants..." or "my compulsion wants me to pick" point is: recognize these thoughts as obsessions and compulsions, nothing more, nothing less. they are thoughts, very powerful thoughts, but they are not actions until you allow them to be. the trick is to NOT fight/stop the thoughts, but to get around them. think of all the trickster myths where the tiny weak little trickster defeats the goliath dumb monster using WIT and by avoiding an actual fist-to-cuff fight.

2) Reattribute -- i dont know a lot of the science behind picking, brain chemistry, neural pathways, etc. BUT what I do know is that to me, my picking feels entirely out of my control, and i consider it essentially a disease that probably is based in some screwed up biochemistry. (i think exercising helping out a lot supports this idea.) so anyways the second step is to go beyond recognizing the thoughts are obsessions and compulsions to the fact that they come from your illness and you cannot control that. if you just try to stop thinking about picking, that is counterproductive because by trying to STOP thinking about it, you ARE thinking about it! so even though you do feel these intense urges to pick, recognize them as coming from an "outside" force (ie your chemistry that is beyond your control, or the giant dumb monster) and recognize they are not part of the real you (the little but smart hero(ine)), they are something the real you suffers under and need to get by on your path to happiness.

3) Refocus -- this is the best part, and it is similar to the hand sanitizer. basically, when you feel the urge to pick, go through steps 1 and steps 2 mentally, but then DO SOMETHING ELSE THAT IS POSITIVE. if you like to crochet or knit, do that. i think picking is the worst because our tools are always with us--our hands, our skin, our hair. other ocd folks who worry about the iron being on or whatever can actually leave the house; we can never leave the place that tempts us (although for me leaving the mirror makes a big difference with face picking, but then i just switch to shoulders, upper arms...) but the point is, GET YOUR HANDS AND MIND BUSY DOING SOMETHING CONSTRUCTIVE. garden, cross stitch, exercise, bike ride, rollerblade, run, dance, read, write, call a friend, ANYTHING. (this is like instead of using the initial path you set out on on your journey to happiness, the path on which you find this monster, you go around using a lesser known but perhaps more beautiful route to get around the monster without having to engage in combat with him. or, it's like distracting the monster with a beautiful bouquet of flowers so he's in a good mood and you can quickly get by on your original path.)

ultimately, this behavior recircuits your brain, so if you keep it up it should only get easier to not pick.

4) Revalue. After long enough time doing steps 1-3, you'll finally learn that your urges to pick are perhaps omnipresent distractions, but nothing more. it's like learning to have a conversation and do homework even though your roommate is watching tv. or, it's like you realize that as scary as the monster is, you are empowered because you realize that you are very capable of beating him.

not that this makes it easier for me. since i learned this i've lived a year and a half very high stress, went back to school for my 2 loves (biology-premed and photography), am poorer than i've ever been and had harder classes than i've ever had, and have been dealing with re-empowering myself after being sexually assaulted in even the most basic realms like job hunting and concentrating on school. but now i'm done with pre-med, and photo doesn't stress me out like that, and while i work my fun 40 hours/week job this summer working on picking and continuing in therapy are 2 of my main goals.

i just hope this is helpful to y'all!!!!!
sincerely,
louise

[anonymousartist]

yes, this is very helpful!

I just finished my BFA (I did a year of Bio before that) and I can't imagine how you've handled the stress of both, and dealing with a trauma. I know, sometimes picking seems to help with the stress. But it also helps when you only do it because of stress (and take time out when you need it instead of zoning and picking). Just remember any time you make progress it is progress. There's no real such thing as a slip up. Hope you continue on your path and keep taking those little steps. You'll get there

--Becca

[De]

I am down to one half scab on my scalp. If I am under stress I will start scratching. Limiting stress and keeping busy helps. Yoga can help and using the Ceragem massage bed seems to have helped my skin. ;D

[Guest2]

FASCINATING site!! I have mutilated my cuticles for as long as I can remember and I am now 47. Both of my grown sons also pick at their cuticles. I wash my hands over a dozen times a day in the course of my job and it does not help me to not pick. In fact, it dries my cuticles even more and I find a new crop of little "flags" to capture and rip off at the end of each working day. As I drip blood from the most recent site of my assault onto these keys, I find comfort in knowing that I am not alone. I would like to visit again soon. Thank you to all who participate in offering support and encouragement.

[metta]

Hello. Yeah I have been there and now I don't pick or excoriate or gouge my face. It started in 1996 when I was back from overseas and working a dishwashing job. One day my face had all these lumps on it. I poked the hell out of them and viola, marks. I did not want to leave the house. Spent hours looking in the mirror, in car windows, trying to look acceptable. People would ask me, "what happened to your face?" On and off for years I would find a new problem and begin the "purification." I have a deep mark between my eyes (a third eye opening?) and some spots on forehead. The last time I did this to myself was probably 2 years ago. it just faded out slowly as I found some cures. I went on Accutane for 6 months somewhere in the middle of my 6 or 7 years with this issue. It helped for a while but sometimes I poked and picked in order to remove the scars.

How to heal skin: the best products I have found for stopping the infections and really reducing scarring is Lametco New You skin care. Go to the New you site, it is sold throough many outlets but this one has been most reliable.
I went through a series of expensive treatments, Obagi skin care and blue peels ($600 a pop and left me with new brown spots), microdermabrasion (what a joke). Stay with the basics for clearing up if you have acne, use stridex etc. For new wounds they heal best when kept moist. I have tried everything to resolve my skin: vitamin E oil, ayurvedic stuff, etc. now I am pretty happy with my skin and self. I still use New You facials, Scar zone, and Clean and Clear. I am also on buproprion and fluoxetine. Try a spa or a facial at an understanding place to release infection and feel beautiful and cared for. Take the softer approach rather than the hard approach. Dare to be kind to yourself. Make art work. Use you passion for beauty and perfection in a different way.

[L]

Wow, just found this forum and I must say, I recognize everything mentioned in all of these stories, the endless picking-sessions in front of the mirror, the tools (nailcutters) using to help the "problem" and only making it worse....It made a lot clear to me and I'm gonna quite this very frustrating habit for good today, because otherwise I will go crazy I think. The "down"-feeling all the time (I think for about 9 years already) because of the way (you think) you look and the lack of self esteem following out of this, the things you don't go to because you are ashamed of yourself, I'm totally sick of it. I also thought I was the only one doing this but now I know I'm not. After reading all these stories I do know what I'm doing to my self and it is ENOUGH right now. These stories helped me a lot and I want to thank you all for making it clear to me. I'm stopping right now with this crazy behavior.

[Pickfree Guest]

I don't pick at my face anymore at all, about 10 months or so. On my back a bit more, but fairly infrequently.

I did for roughly 8-9 years on a daily basis.

Trust me, just force yourself to stop and it will all resolve itself. My skin is a million times better now.