Picking at others

[mommaloveuk]

Guest-Mary said:

Oh my God, I cant believe you said that, I think the same thing. its an exciting time if he lets me pick a little he hates it but lets me just a little once in a while just so i'll leave him alone about it for a little while and if hes got something I have noticed that I want to pick it will make nervious and I cant stop thinking about it. I cant believe I'm telling this, here goes I'll even stoop so low as to make deals with him, I'll do this or that for you if youll let me pop that zit how sick is that?

...This is me to a 'T'! I regularly make deals (or, at least, MADE deals, as I am as of today offically a recovering picker!) with my partner in order to let him allow me loose on his face. He hates this, and doesn't even have any pimples, but I can just stare at it for hours thinking how lovely it would be to get at his blocked pores - he has a lot of these!

When my son was about 18 months old, he got one large millia (waxy whitehead trapped beneath skin) on his cheek - and slowly, slowly over about two weeks, I gently got it out. I am certain he wasn't in pain, and I am pretty sure he didn't even notice, but really, still...! How lame is that? Not being able to resist removing one millia from your child's cheek?

I am sooooo glad to have found this site. I have been picking my face since my very early teens (I'm now 25) and have decided enough is enough several times, but never been able to stop picking for more than a short while. The irony of it is, I naturally have good clear skin, not at all oily or naturally prone to blemishes - however, that doesn't stop me from making an utter mess of it by picking at every tiny last things for literally hours on end on occasions until I'm scarred, red and full of blemishes!

The thing that helps me most in my personal War on Picking is: low lighting in the bathroom, coupled with an absolute, outright, no-exceptions ban on ANY picking, poking, prodding of my facial skin (I'm only really a face-picker).

Sorry for the rant, it's just such a relief to have crystallized years and years of niggling upset over this problem in this humble internet thread - to anyone still reading, you will never know how much it has helped me to be able to share this! I'm confident that I, and all of us, can overcome this problem - we just have to reconnect with our natural inner desire to want the very best for ourselves and unblock the mental tics which prevent us from acheiving this. Love to you all - from a UK Momma.

[Marsha]

It's a primal instinct .... monkeys, apes do it all the time ... but it's part of their grooming. They are particularly interested in finding lice on each other - cuts down on the rodent population.

Think about it.

[princesscelexa]

jamielee said:

Ehhh.... I pick at myself but I'd be disgusted to pick at someone else. I'm disgusted enough to pick at myself. To me it would be up there with picking someones boogers for them or licking their eyeball or something else equally repulsive. Sometimes I'll see people picking at themselves and it makes me very uncomfortable. I think because of the embarrasment and disgust I feel with myself for doing it.

this is exactly how i feel. i did it for years to myself but i would never be able to bring myself to do it to another person. this is probably because i always kept it so secret.

[ashenn]

yeah, me too. although i've -thought- of picking other people, even wanted to, any time i think about doing it or even asking it grosses me out. i just don't want people to know i have an obsession with it, i guess.

the worst, though, is when you're having sex and running your hands across your lover's skin, and in the heat of the moment, all you can think of is that big zit on his/her shoulder/back/neck/whatever.

talk about weird.

Ash.

[princess celexa]

not that it's really funny, but HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. i was just thinking, "hmmmmm . . . the sex must not be very good if all you can think of is the zit," HAHAHAHA. no, i know how it is with obsessive thoughts. you just get so distracted. i can tell you something to make you sick though: i dated a man for four years who would NOT take off his undershirt: (for ANYTHING). he had diabetes and his back was like . . . ugh. nothing you have ever seen. more than just regular severe acne. i can't even describe it but oh lord. i would not want to pick any of that!! maybe it would help people to see something that bad, as aversion therapy maybe. i don't know. obviously i got him to take his shirt off once because it was freaking me out (oh come on, it can't be THAT bad) and he was right. i was kind of horrified.

that isn't why we quit seeing each other. he was from the middle east and i didn't want to get married and move there. he went back.

[ashenn]

actually, i don't know if boys do this too, but i get distracted a LOT during sex! ....thinking about balancing my checkbook and whatnot. my brain is just so compulsive and attention-deficit that it wanders and latches onto these weird thoughts at the most inoppurtune times.

when i was younger i used to have really compulsive, scary thoughts, like putting my kittens in the trash compactor or something. of course i would NEVER do it, and the fact that those thoughts came from MY brain always freaked me out, but recently i've had some OCD friends of mine tell me that it's a product of an OC-riddled mind and doesn't mean i'm fucked up.

since learning that, i haven't had any more spontaneous weird thoughts like that...... has anyone else had similar experiences?

loves.

Ash.

[Leigha]

Until reading this thread, I hadn't even thought that my picking at my guy was related to my own picking problems. Luckily, my picking at him is limited to the summer because I have a compulsion to remove the dead skin from a peeling sunburn....I know, it's disgusting, but no worse than if I was popping his pimples. Luckily, he absolutely won't let me do that. It's amazing as I read all of these posts how many things are linked to this one centralized obsession.
~Leigha

Marsha said:

It's a primal instinct .... monkeys, apes do it all the time ... but it's part of their grooming. They are particularly interested in finding lice on each other - cuts down on the rodent population.

Think about it.

[HectorsGirl]

My boyfriend hardly ever gets any acne, anywhere. (I know, don't you just hate him already? ) Every now and then when I'm scratching his back (I have better nails for getting those touch-to-reach itches) or rubbing it, I'll accidentally scratch a blemish and a little nodule will come free. I feel weird about it, and most of the time it doesn't hurt him or bug him at all. I don't even think he feels it mostly. But I still feel guilty and gross because I did it, even if I didn't mean to.

It really freaks me out when my uncles and aunts on my mother's side pick each others' blemishes. I think it's a nasty habit, and I don't even like that I pick my own. I would never consciously do it to someone else - even when my mom asks me, I'm like "No way!"

[Spring Angel]

I couldn't even read all the posts on this thread, but I am one of you. I picked my sons skin for many years, something I know and knew was wrong, but I was unable to stop, and with any little encouragement on his part (he needed the attention, which I did not give adequately in other ways) I was picking away at his face, back and chest.

In working my 12 steps I will need to make formal amends to him, and a living amends by never doing it again. It has helped me to find this site and learn and understand that I was not in control of it, that it was in control of me, but I must still take responsiblity for my actions.

I deeply regret what I have done, and the damage it caused his skin and his psyche. I have apologized many many many times, too many to count. I will make my amends through the steps, and pray for God to forgive me my mistake. That's all I can do. And somehow, someday I will try to forgive myself.

With Shame and Sadness,

Spring

[Grossed out]

Why do I do this?
I have finally overcome the urge to stop picking and most importantly cause permanent scars on my body. I convinced myself that a scar isn't worth it. Tips to help myself stop. I got acrylic nails put on it makes it much more difficult to pick, so you possibly have more time to tell yourself NO!
Neosporin has become my best friend. Its a topical OTC antibiotic. It does so many things that help me stop picking. 1 It helps the skin heal faster, because the skin can just heal instead of heal while fighting bacteria on your skin. 2 If I have Neosporin on my skin I don't want it to rub off. So I often put it on at night right before bed so It heals all night long. 3 If you put a band-aid on the neosporin I find myself having less of an urge to pick because I cant see the scab itself. 4 Neosporin helps stuff heal faster so I have less time that I will actually have a scab and tell myself don't pick. It will be gone in like 3 or 4 days. 5 Neosporin also allows the body to heal so well there wont necessarily be scar tissue later for me to be tempted to pick at because its not smooth skin.
So being really pissed at myself to not destroy my pretty skin and still be attractive helped.
But now my husband always asks me to scratch his back. Of course with out even thinking I want to run my fingers over a smooth back so I scratch at any bumps. He has yelled at me many times. Ahhh.
He loves back rubs. He doesn't like the way Neosporin takes a while to soak in so he rarely lets me put it on any of his cuts, from me or not. but having acrylic nails put on helps me not to disfigure my handsome husband, because I can not be the cause of his scars. How horrible is that?
My poor kitty just got fleas so now she is having scabs and I'm the worst person in the world for picking at her. So I can't do this do her. I have tried many methods of flea killing but we live in an apartment complex so that means I have a losing battle. Even though we treat the yard, carpet, furniture, and pets. Next week I have an appointment with the vet. So the fuckers stop eating my precious kitty. Also so she will have no more scabs and I don't have to have constant temptation when I pet her and she wants to snuggle. ...Stupid thing with her is I feel so guilty I made her bleed or possibly scar I put the Neosporin on her cuts and they go away much faster on her too.
My main method is to try to remove the temptation or distract myself from it.
I used to also bite my nails, but paying for acrylic nails helped me stop eating money. And biting nails is a sure fire way to make yourself get sick often. Your exposing yourself to every bacteria you touch...working in a hospital its allot. I also carry finger nail clippers on my keys so if I get tempted to bite my nails. I just remove the temptation and clip any excess nail off. ... I have found it extremely handy to carry a tiny cutting tool all the time. Like if you have a hang nail and try to remove it with your teeth I usually end up tearing good skin and not even completely removing the hang nail. ahhh bad all around..
Ok but all of the obsessive compulsive stuff usually are cause by serotonin levels off in our brains. Moderate 3 times a week exercise helps with all this stuff that can be underlying causes of all kinds of stuff. Like low self esteem, anxiety, stress, low energy.