New here

[nix]

Hi, I'm a little embarrased to be coming out with this, as I have never before admitted this is a problem, but it is. As I type this I have a lot more sores on my face that are trying to heal then I care to admit.

I look in the mirror after a "session" and get totally disgusted with myself, it makes me sick that I do this. When I was very little my older sister--she was 14 years older than me--held me down and squeezed my pores and showed me what happened and from then on I was addicted. It's like I completely zone out when I'm doing it--I tell myself to stop and I think "one more" but it's never one more. I've been blessed with relatively clear skin and sometimes I wish I wasn't just so I would have something to do! I'm so angry with myself for this. It's impossible not to be. I should have enough self control.

I'm 25 now and I really want to stop doing this to myelf. I do it to my bf too and he is very tolerant until it gets bad and then he makes me stop--he says he likes the attention and even the pain a little. Sometimes I look at what I've done to his back and it makes me cry--it's one thing to do this to myself but to inflict scars on the beautiful skin of the man who loves me most in the world--I'm so ashamed of myself. I've tried bringing this up in the therapy but I'm too embarrassed and I haven't been able to afford it--the last therapist I had didn't think it was a big deal.

Looking at me, you would never know that I have this problem, unless you had it too. When people ask about the scars on my arms I tell them mosquito bites. My face I can pretty much keep covered with makeup.

Anyway, hello and thanks for reading. I'm really glad to know this isn't just me. Something in me told me last night that it was time to get help.

[Iceman]

Hello,
Dont be ashamed. This problem is alot more common than anyone thinks b/c of course everyone who has it doesn't want to tell anyone about it. If you want to to talk to a therapist about it, then find somone who specializes in OCD disorders or trichotillomania (compulsive hair pulling). That way they will be very attentive to your issues and not shrug them off as nothing. Get this thing off your chest. Talk to someone about it. Talk to the people on this board about it. You will feel relieved and happy you did. God bless

[nix]

Thank you for the kind words.

[lmarie0126]

:)I was to this sight on and off about a year ago, and I found it really helpful nad encourageing to know that we are not the only ones with this problem, and that it is not our faults. I am 27, I have been doing this to myself since I was about 16. I have a daughter who whitnesses this madness. I have gotton so bad that I find myself under lights when no one is around. I even pick my breasts. Do any of you have it this bad? :)They have already lost a bit of their perkiness from having a child, but now they are scarred. I get down on myself when I do this. I know that I am a beautiful person, and yet I continuely try to ruin it. I want to be free of this, so that I can feel confident with out my shirt on in front of my loved one, or in a bathing suit. I know I can do this. I have tried therapy, I have been on Zoloft. I come to realize after all these years that these things only supress the problem. The problem has to be faught by me. Best advise I could offer to anyone. KEEP BUSY!!! Try not to be home too much. See friends, pick up a fun physical activity that builds your strength and confidence. I don't think we did anything wrong to deserve this torture we put ourselves through. I think it is a test to us, to teach us of our will power in the most difficult way. Thanks, God.
In any case I know how shameful this can be. I am just constantly reminding myself that everything in this life is temporary, and that I am not going to always have this problem. Instead of digging for the root cause of the problem that started in the past, I try and just keep up with the daily rush of life. Work, single motherhood, school, physical hobbies, love life, and then of course the forever battle of the skin problem. It's just good to know that we are not doing this struggle alone, and that others are in the same boat. Thank you for sharing.