My 9 year old daughter

[KaSondra]

:'( I have been dealing with my daughter picking at her skin for 2 years now. She doesnt have acne but she cant stop picking at herself. She picks at her fingers, her face anything! She will take skin that is perfectly clear and pick at it until it bleeds. She cries afterwards but if I notice the new sore whe will lie to me on how it happened. Ive stopped asking how it happened at this point, it just sets her up to lie then we have another issue. I have an appt with her Dr this moring alone to disuss another course of action. She is ADHD and takes medication for it, a side effect of the meds is nervousness and anxiety, I think this is making her pick more often. All of the posts that I have read are for adults and noone has posted that they have this problem with a child but I dont want her to be on one of these sites when shes grown because I didnt help her. Someone please help me! I dont know what to do anymore. We've done the gloves the "money jar" the Dr. recommended was a joke, that really just let me know she was bleeding at that point. I havent taken her to a counselor but I think that is next. I dont want her to know at this point it is a 'real" proble, Im afraid she will use that and pick even more. Does that make sense. Or is it better to let her know shes not alone and let her deal with it. Shes only 9 and hates that she does it and cant explain why. Any suggestion are welcome, Thanks!

[touchingpeace]

Hi,
This is certainly a difficult situation. I don't really know for sure what can help, for I was that little girl. However, I think it is wonderful that the two of you can at least have dialogue about it, that is far more than I ever had. I think it is crucial she feels she is not alone, and that maybe you will not be able to understand or figure out why it is happening, but even without that she can still stop. Also, I think it is crucial that she does not feel that there is something wrong with her. There is a difference between "doing" and "being". We are human beings, not human doings. We have the power to choose and our behavior does not make us who we are. I know for myself even when I was 9 or 10 I felt I was a horrible person, irreversibly flawed. I think it would have helped if I had some sense of my human dignity and worth. For each person the very fact that we exist is a miracle. I hope this helps somewhat.

Take care, be well.

-Jules

[KaSondra]

Thank you so much! I really appreciate your response and I will sit and talk to her about it some more, I have told her there is nothing wrong with her but that we need to work on it to stop and she agrees but she doesnt know how to stop. I just left her Dr and we are changing her medication to a dosage with less side effects of anxiety and nervousmess and Im hioping this helps her. Ill keep posting on her progress.

Thanks again!

KaSondra

[Zoner]

Welcome KaSondra-
I have to agree with toughingpeace completely. I don't think that she should be made to feel that she has a 'problem' per say... a label can often times be more harmful than good. However, she should be aware that other people do this to, and that, in my belief, it is often a response to stress and anxiety. I've also noticed when I pick, that it is a way to focus. If I'm feeling highly anxious and have alot on my mind- it seems to clear when I pick. If she does have ADD, then this may very well be a way to calm her mind. Also, her medication increased anxiety, which i find also increases my picking.
I'm no doctor- but am just trying to give you a point of view from another picker. I consider my self to be very intelligent, have a professional career etc... I don't suffer from any major illnesses, other than picking! I think I've adjusted well througout my life, as she may too- but the picking aspect does leave alot of guilt and frustration when you feel you can't quite.
I'm not sure how you feel about allowing her to see this board. But Reading some of our stories may help her see that she's not alone.
Best of luck to you and your daughter. Feel free to post here anytime, or view whatever we are saying.
Let us know if we can help!

[Elsie]

Hi KaSondra:

another perspective to consider..........

I know this is probably hard to believe, but I am 38, and have been picking for over 30 years!!! Anything you can do to keep your daughter from this fate, please try. Though I have to say, my parents did everything they
could think of, and it still didn't work. They tried keeping my allowance, putting a band-aid on every scab (which as a child usually started as mosquito bites) and making me wear them in public, having other adults ask me "how did you get that sore?", making me wear gloves, etc. Unfortunately it was all pretty negative and my picking became the one thing I could do that they couldn't control. Even as I child I had quite the rebellious streak, and I would pick at night, in the dark, in bed. Short of tying my hands behind my back and sleeping with me, there was really nothing they
could do, which put me in control of something!!! Then, unfortunately, it just turned into a bad habit that I have come to rely on over the years. Whatever you can do to provide a positive environment for your daughter, I'm
sure would be more effective and hopefully, together, you can come up with some ways to help her stop. In the mean time, you might also give her ways to help deal with it--what to say when other people ask, suggesting instead of picking that she rub medicine (neosporin?) on her sores, and anything else you can think of. She may not realize it now, but she's lucky to have you as concerned as you are, and trying to help. I wish she could see someone like me, whose skin is covered with white scars from so many years of picking--maybe that would help her make the decision to stop. Best wishes.

Oh, there used to be a person named Concerned Dad, but I haven't seen him post in a while. He also had a daughter that was picking. Maybe he'll check this site and chime in, and you two could exchange ideas for
your kids.

Take care,

Elsie

[Elsie]

Hi KaSondra, me again!

Just wanted to let you know that Concerned Dad did post recently. Check the General Discussion board under "Just Stopped by to Say Hi". I think it's from November 11.

[Concerned Dad]

Hi KaSondra,

My wife and I can relate...completely.

Just kills you inside to watch her pick doesn't it. Our daughter has been diagnosed with ADHD also, and taking medicine too. It does make her concentrate, however when she starts picking, she concentrates harder on that too. Argh!

With our daughter, it also doesn't help that she is legally blind. Born with Cataracts, laser surgeory at 5 weeks, contacts for 3 years, now glasses. She can see a little, but no way can she play with other kids her age, and they love to pick on her for that, again causing her to pick more.

We have been through the counseling, $100 a session. Didn't show any help. Thank God insurance picked it up. She is now in school counseling, in one school it helped alot because the counselor would reward her non-picking, however we had to move, and the new one just isn't the same. Plus, when we do the rewards, it works for a short spell, then she laser focuses in on some loose skin and has to pick till it bleeds.

She doesn't cry, and now she gets her own bandaids and knows how to put it on. At least for her, the blood is a sign to stop on that spot. Then she starts somewhere else.

At school, they don't like putting on the bandaids due to the blood, so they are trying the gloves in class. We have already been down that road, it doesn't work either.

Triggers that make her pick is when things don't go her way, schedule changes, teacher trying to make her do her work and just about anything that disrupts what she wants to do.

She doesn't really lie about the picking, she just doesn't stop when we ask her too, or give her an activity. I can remember reading her a bedtime story and noticed her picking under the blankets. That really kills me.

We have found some things that do work.

1) Inosital. It is a B vitamin, very expensive and she hates taking it now, however with regular high doses, it does work. Doesn't stop it completely, but it does show a noticable difference.

2) St. Johns Wart. It's a natural anti-depressant, and this also shows positive results, however again it doesn't stop it completely.

3) She likes drawing. When she is drawing we rarely see her pick. Again however, she will eventually get bored, put the markers down and sit and pick.

Just a few for now, I will talk with my wife some more and see if there is some other tips she has used that showed signs of improvement, however if you haven't tried these yet, give them a shot. We still do all three along with the school counselor.

She is also a member of the HOT SHOTS, a soccer group for visually challenged children. This worked for a while, but again when she wants to pick, she will stand in the middle of the field and pick. <frustration factor at 8.9>

We are now trying Girl Scouts, maybe we will find some kids there that are sensitive to her visual challenges, and be a buddy. We are praying that will also make some positive steps forward in controling her picking. Will let you know if your still here.

Oh, I do notice that when she is with her hampster she rarely picks. The cat is another issue, she treats him like a dog, and trys to wrestle with him, the cat hates it, scratches her and now she has something to pick at. Grrr.

Oh well, I can go on for days, but I want you to know your NOT ALONE. WE FEEL YOUR PAIN. Realize this, we are all unique and wonderful human beings, and so is your daughter. We all have strange and unusal quirks, with your daughter and mine, theirs show more. Try not to be over critical, it just incourages more picking.

I will check in from time to time, so stay positive and realize your not alone. Good luck and SMILE. Dale Carnegie shares with us that most of us are REFLECTIVE PEOPLE, meaning that we will give what we get from others. Watching your love one damage themselves hurts us inside, however when we give back frustration, they in turn will also get frustrated.

Be a positive reflection if you can. I know it's hard, but we all have to try. GOOD LUCK.

[Annie]

Hi
I've only had relief from picking by experimenting with my diet...and for me luckily it works...please try.

I cut out all caffeine, cola, nuts & chocolate. I'm now finding I've got sensitive to foods with a lot of artificial colours and flavours. These foods are so tempting and everywhere to abstainance is really hard. I've had my problem 7 years (I'm now 33).

Basically if you stick to a good natural diet you should notice a change in a few days if it is going to work.

If I lapse and eat the wrong thing the picking starts within half a day.

Please post your findings after trying this...I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you.

[firegirl]

i'm not a mother (unless you count the cats... then i'm a grandmother, as well , but i have been picking since i was 5 or so, over 20 years...

when my parents noticed what i was doing, they told me that they were going to take me to the doctors, and he would give me a shot in my wounds. i just got better at hiding it, and now i'm afraid of doctors.

i think that letting her know that she is not alone is a good idea- it would have helped immensely as i was growing up.

please keep trying to stop your daughter's behavior- i wish my parents would have continued doing whatever it may have taken to help me stop- this is not something that should still plague a grown-up girl.

good luck, good luck, good luck. i'll be thinking about you and your family.