What to do

[Stef (Incubabe)]

I've tried just about everything to stop...mentally that is. I refuse to see a psych or tell my parents...they dont understand. Basically they provoke it anyways...so why bother talking to them. I talked to my ex-bf about it since hes like my best friend. He doesnt quite understand all the complications but hes supportive and he helps me out a lot. I just dont know what to do about it anymore. Its everywhere. I pick anything and its not only picking. I'll cut myself too...but i dont think the 2 are related. Ones strung up with depression and such and the picking is just because...im bored I guess. Its usually at night...so its one of those unavoidable times. Its really rediculous and i hate it. Its really ruining everything im striving for in life. I want to work in the fine arts, singing, acting...but no one will even look at someone whos a skin picker...its really a pain in the ass. My parents are constantly on my case to wear shorts and stuff but...i wont...because its wretched. So all summer i bake...id give everything i have to be able to wear a tank top and some shorts. Ive brought the face picking down to a minimum. Ive been using my sisters Oxy wipe things and they clear up my face overnight so there really isnt anything to pick at. Maybe I should try it on my arms and legs...I dunno. If anyone has any idea on how to psych myself out of doing it. Ive been picking for like 4 years...its not that long when you think about it and if i could stop soon it would be soo awesome. The scars wont go away but the scars arent as embarrassing as the actually scabs and marks. I can live with scars, heck I have them all over my wrists and i dont care about them. Im happier now though...but i just cant seem to stop. and this is turning into a novel...so imma stop. Thanks in advance for any advice.

[Sunny]

Hi Incubabe!

Well first, welcome to the site. I haven't seen you before.

I was just wondering, why do you refuse to see a psych? Even if it could help, you would still refuse?

[Stef (Incubabe)]

Because my family would never understand enough and they would flip...they would probably ship me off somewhere where they strap me into a bed for hours on end...and im not joking either. My mother really doesnt understand and i dont know why...she was all sexually abused as a child but she always talks to me like im nuts...like she'll ask me why i dont wear shorts and she'll say something like "are your legs all covered in scabs or something?" and she says it like...if i say yes then im crazy. Plus i dont trust any kind of MD's...i never have. Ive had horrible experiences with them. Times they told me Id feel no pain and I ended up in such pain that I cried for hours. I know its diff but I just refuse to see a psych...it wouldnt help. I think it would provoke me to do it more. Im not easily convinced of things by other people and maybe im being stereotypical but soft coaxing voices and good advice makes me really edgy and i would lash out and thats no use for anyone. Im stubborn..im a teen..what do you want? I just cant bring myself to listen to someone whos not in my brain and who doesnt see the world the way i do. I dont like people telling me how i feel...because i know...they dont.

[Sunny]

Oh my gosh!!!! I can't believe that last sentence! I HATE it, to this day, when someone says "I know how you feel". No they do not know how I feel! How could they know? They're not me!!!!! And don't try to tell me "because I was a teenager once" because that just didn't cut it. Now don't get me wrong, I'm old now--38. But I've asked my friends and siblings if they had these strong feelings when they were a teen and they all said no. Recently I had a guy who liked me, who I almost thought was a stalker. Luckily, his interest in me wore off. But one time, after knowing me for a few months (I had been really sick with this thing called Irritable Bowel Syndrome) he says to me "well now that you're feeling better......." I know this sounds silly, but if I'd had the strength and energy, I probably would have gone for his throat! I mean, we barely knew each other, and here he was telling me how I feel?!!!!!! And it's not like I would tell him every time I wasn't feeling well, because why would I, and just the night before I had been sick, sick, SICK! Then another time, after he quit bothering me but we were still talking a little bit (we have to because of work) he says "I know you must feel guilty about not letting my brother and I work on your house." AAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!! What the )(*&!@#$ was he talking about? I didn't feel guilty at ALL! Why would I want a near-stalker and his brother to work on my house and then feel all indebted to them and everything, and yet there he was, telling me how I felt!!!!!!

Well, I'm just venting now. I do have my friends to depend on, and always have, and they don't tell me how I feel. We just listen to each other and share whatever we might have that we think might help.

My counselor is interesting, in that she doesn't give me advice, she just asks me questions that help me think through things.

Anyway, I wish you the best, and hope you'll keep posting here. There's SO much stuff on this site that is not only interesting ready, but helpful too.

[Stef (Incubabe)]

yea...ive made myself a goal...and so far im doing really well...i think im going to make it this time!

[fordguy45]

thats good to hear incubabe i hope you make it! im pulling for u

[Stef (Incubabe)]

thanx! im tryin really hard...its really difficult though. i think ill make it. as long as i start to feel happier soon...ill be okay.

[fordguy45]

im happy to hear ur so optimistic i wish u the best and dont forget that ur not alone talk to ur parents, friends, etc because they're the ones who'll help you get through this.

[e]

incubabe, you were scaring me there for a second! it's good to see your upbeat posts.

i don't know how you feel. my mom is fully supportive and would never make fun of me. but i started picking when i was a teenager, and i used to cut myself back then too. i went to a counselor once when i was 17, without really wanting to, and convinced the woman i was fine. about 6 years later, i hit bottom and spent 2 years in therapy. at that point, i welcomed any help i could get.

my father was abusive. i have profound self-image problems. i've been picking for 18 years because of it.

you've got a great start at recovery. it's ok that you don't want to go to an MD or a psychologist. therapy is great but only if you're ready for it. using this message board is important. making goals is important -- i really hope you stick to yours! don't turn out like me and still be picking 18 years later!!!!!!!

[glamourpuss15]

E....Don't say, "Don't turn out like me..."

That's no good. You are a fine person. You pick, but there are much worse things you could be doing. Don't negate yourself that way. Let's face it, in some way, we all receive gratification from picking...it can comfort us when nothing else can. Granted, we ALL want to stop, but some of us aren't fully ready...YET!

To quote the ever-famous Julie London, "Our day will come..." (it's a song...)

It doesn't make you less of a person because you pick...remember that!

[e]

of course you're right, glamourpuss. i didn't mean to come off so negative. in spite of past yuckiness, i'm actually very happy with my life. i just would hate to know that incubabe is still suffering so much 10 or 15 or 20 years from now. there's too much help available nowadays to let that happen.

[glamourpuss15]

I understand, e!

Just wanted to make sure YOU are okay!

It seems to me like CSP will be a permanent struggle for all of us, even when we have licked it. And there are many forums for help these days, it's true. But even with insurance, I can't afford to see anyone about it. And my GP just prescribes Paxil for all that ails ya...even though it made me feel awful.

I suppose the only sure-fired way to make me stop would be to cut off my fingers...but I could probably get creative with some tweezers and my mouth or toes!

It does hurt to see others struggle and have such pain with CSP, even more so when they are young!

Incubabe...I feel awful that you have few outlets to express yourself about CSP. But you know we are always here for you! I pick as a result of stress and boredom too, so I am having a lot of the same struggles.

I just take it one day at a time...making the daily goal of "I will not pick"...if I do...the goal starts again the next day. You have to keep it realistic. Now that my face is really starting to clear up, I am going to make my right arm my next goal...and then my legs. I know it won't happen overnight and I know I might pick. I have even found myself picking in my sleep...talk about frustrating!

Anyway...again, remember we are here...and if you need to talk immediately...feel free to IM me or join the CSP group on MSN. Good luck!

[downtimeheals]

Hi Incubabe...I just wanted you to know that I am a professional actress/singer (as well as a voice and theatre teacher) and my picking was pretty much the worst ever in high school.

Feel free to check out my post "Building a Defensive Arsenal" in the Tips for Quitting section for some of my anti-picking ideas, and some of the story of my life in e's post "Any success stories" in the Support section if you're interested.

What I want you to know is this: being someone who picks DOES NOT mean that you can't succeed in the fine arts.

BREAK A LEG!

[Stef (Incubabe)]

I havent been doin that good the past week. My dog got killed by a car so I've been kinda down and had too much time to myself. But luckily I have a new job as a receptionist at my dads company and were getting a new puppy a week from Saturday so I should be really occupied. I havent been that bad though, its the best ive been in a few years. ;D

[Carree]

Incubabe-

Sorry to hear about your dog, losing a family pet can be very tramatic. We just got a puppy a month ago and she has kept me very busy....always wanting attention and wanting to play. She has occupied some of my picking time Hang in there!