New User Wake up Call!

[chocolatekimmy]

I am new to this site and have had a wake up call tonight whilst surfing the internet.

I bit my nails as a child and never got the promised tea set from my parents if I gave up. Instead I started to bite my cuticles instead of my nails when I was about 13. I had a great childhood so I don't know why I did it or have continued to do it.

Often the skin bleeds and is really sore. It also looks disgusting and I am embarassed by it. I have just started a new job and my boss who is a few years younger than me (I'm 32) bites her nails. It looks awful when I see her do it and I realised what I must look like when I do it as I am often unaware that I am.

Today 2 of my fingers are really painful and it hurts to straighten them out and I cannot clench my fist because of the pain. I have to give up. What really frightens me is that my 22 month old daughter will do it too one day.

My dad has sufferred anxiety all his adult life which I only found out about 5 years ago so is it hereditry? I have sufferred from post natal depression for 18 months and I have just started to reduce my anti-depressant dosage - I have not noticed a change in my habit during this time.

I also pick my skin, scabs, spots etc and anything like that takes ages to heal and looks disgusting.

What has really frightened me is the referral to obsessive compulsive disorder, self harm etc and the seriousness of the problem/disorder. I know deep down it is an addiction but have always tried to kid myself into thinking that I could stop and its not that bad.

Maybe this is the first proper step to giving up! Good luck to all of you in overcoming this too. Life is too short to have your hand stuck in your mouth or picking a spot all your life.

[mi]

Hi Kimmy,

This is the second time I'm writing this response; first time messed up cause wasn't logged in and system deleted my post. How rude. Well, anyway, here goes, hopefully I can be as eloquant as the first time.

I wanted to be the first one to welcome you. It has been a few hours since your post and while a bunch have viewed it none have responded. I know when I made my first post I thought I was not accepted because it was not immediately answered either. (Before the others whack me, no complaints; just the self-esteem issues so many of us seem to have.)

I hope you are well on your way to recovery with the post-partum, a friend of mine had a mild case of it and I know it can make you do silly things. She actually asked her husband if he was having an affair! No reason other than she was feeling off. This man would be considered prime husband material by just about any woman. I often tease my girl friend about fixing me up with one of his brothers. He didn't even get mad at her.

It was only a few weeks ago that I came to realize that this picking thing I do was not "normal" behavior. I found this site the next day and in doing so have become much more aware of my picking. It has in some ways made the frustration higher, but in my newfound awareness I stop picking sooner. Overall, I would say visiting this site and 'meeting' the others has already helped my efforts to begin working on a new me.

My fondest wish would be for you to have the same positive experience. Good luck and feel some comfort that you are not alone anymore in your picking.

Warmest Regards,
mi

[crane]

Just wanted to say hi and welcome. I'm new too, I only found this site last week. Coming here and reading other folks' ideas has already been beneficial in making me more aware of when I'm picking , I mean I'm still doing it but the results are not as brutal as they've been prior.
I'm not from the U.S., I'm from Australia so it takes a while for replies from the other side of the world as everyone else is snoring while I'm online...such is life.
It's great you've taken the brave step of talking to your partner and seeing the doctor, the more support you can get the better. I couldn't hide my picking from my partner as I'm the only one in the room not aware I'm doing it. He's not really that supportive though ( not that I expect support) as he's one to think 'Well, just stop. It's that simple'.
This site as least assures me that it's not as simple as willpower ( or won'tpower) so I don't feel as much of a failure in my attempts to bring this under control..and it would seem the other folks here are really supportive and full of good tips and insights. Hope you stick around.

[ali979]

Hi Kimmy--
I just found this site yesterday, and today I found your message. I really have never heard anyone talk about the finger biting thing--I do it too. I've been doing it since I was around 12 years old, and my mother would always yell at me to stop, and my husband has been getting really annoyed (luckily I found this site and an article by dr. penzel that finally convinced him that I can't just stop whenever I want.) I go through the same things--making myself bleed, giving myself sore fingers, and being embarrassed at the way my hands look. And I've made myself bleed at work, which was horrible--esp. since I had a customer and had to leave her abruptly to take care of it. I don't know if this is hereditary or what--I come from a family that doesn't discuss "mental issues" and who are very old fashioned and against therapy, etc. so I can only guess from what I observe, but I think my father used to bite his fingers a little when I was younger but he has appeared to magically stop--maybe because his belief that he controls everything is so strong. Or maybe it stops happening at a certain age, if it really is something to do with your nervous system. And I know my older sister used to bite her nails. I think I'm the only one who has done it to this extent, and it's hard--when i was younger my mother THREATENED to take me to a psychologist because of it (so you know how doctors rated in our house) but she never did, of course. I often wish she did, because maybe it would have helped. Now I'm not sure what to do--if I should just try to deal with it on my own, or see a doctor. I guess I'm a little afraid of what else they might throw at me, like depression. It's hard to face all of it. I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone, and I think that you're so much stronger than you probably think you are, to be a mother dealing with all of this. I hope things have been going well for you, and let me know if you find any improvements with the biting.
ali