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Post by Chipmunk on Sept 12, 2004 14:39:53 GMT -5
September 12, 2004
Hi, guys! I have been trying to quit for about three years now (and succeeded for the most part for about a year). I think the reason I relasped is I never COMPLETELY stopped... I stopped the sessions, but I still unconsciously feel my face all the time and things like that.
I joined the support board a few weeks ago and have been pick-session free for about ten days, so I think I'm ready to try ZT... absolutely no picking, no feeling, just keep my fingers busy doing something else.. I am 18, and I don't want to deal with this for the rest of my life.
The support of everybody on this board has been so important to me. Thank you.
Also, I am getting ready to tell my boyfriend and my best friend about this problem next weekend. Does anybody have any suggestions?
Don't forget to smile!
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Post by Chipmunk on Sept 13, 2004 18:00:36 GMT -5
Yesterday, I picked at one zit and scrached a few places on my face. I also couldn't stop scratching my head. While I never do this to the point of hurting my scalp, it's still part of the whole OC thing so I am trying to stop.
Today I've scratched a little at my face. This whole ZT thing isn't working as well as I'd like, but I'm still hopeful. I haven't had any episodes since September 5, so that is progress!
Strange tip... I was working in a lab today and started absent-mindedly playing with a syringe-type plunger (with no needle of course). This helped to keep my hands busy and I didn't have the urge to pick. I know this is feeding the whole "hand must be busy" thing, too, but at least it doesn't hurt me at all. It's a step.
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Post by Chipmunk on Sept 14, 2004 22:28:12 GMT -5
Today I scratched my head whenever I didn't have anything to do with my hands.
I also popped one zit and picked at one scab.
I'm sorry to anyone who's having to read these gross details, but like I told NJ guy, the journal is helping me face facts.
The time I "quit" for a year I still picked at the occasional zit or whatever even if I had no picking sessions, and I'd tell myself it was just one, no big deal and not think on it. But I'm beginning to realize that I never really completely quit. So this helps me in admitting to myself what is wrong.
Don't forget to smile!
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Post by Chipmunk on Sept 15, 2004 20:25:13 GMT -5
September 15, 2004
One zit today... I know it's an improvement but it drives me nuts! I was so close to having a perfect day! I didn't even realize what happened until I popped it... I was writing an email and I apparently put my hand on my face without even thinking of it.
Maybe tomorrow...
Keep smiling!
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Post by Chipmunk on Sept 20, 2004 20:13:06 GMT -5
Sorry, was out of town and unable to update... no perfect days, but no more than zits/scabs per day.
I'm nearing the 21-day mark on the "no picking sessions" area, but I know I'm not totally safe from relapsing unless I'm completely pick-free!
I told my boyfriend this weekend... I think I kind of miscommunicated with him and he got the idea that this was more of a self-mutilation thing (which it is, in a way, but it's much more related to OC than to deliberate self-injury) but it's hard to talk about to someone who hasn't done it, you know?
Do you guys think I should show him this board?
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Post by LazyChipmunk on Sept 22, 2004 22:29:37 GMT -5
(still me... didn't log in today)
A few scabs today... still scratching my head. Definite improvements, though.
Things have been going rather lousily in my life this last month- I'm quite impressed that I've had no picking episodes, to brag a little. I think I've successfully disassociated the picking as a form of release, and am now just dealing with the vestiges of habit, OC, an memory movements.
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Post by LazyChipmunk on Sept 25, 2004 11:39:19 GMT -5
Last night was so close to my perfect day...
Then, just after midnight, three zits and several blackheads.
Now, this wasn't quite large or long enough for me to consider it a real picking session (which I hadn't had since September 5) and yet too much to be considered an isolated thing. Also, I had so many zits on my face that only three is definitely not an excavating expedition.
So, I've decided that this is my "freebie." I won't call it a picking session, but if I do it again, I will. ZT, right?
Is this self-denial or self-encouragement?
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Post by Chipmunk on Sept 28, 2004 20:44:44 GMT -5
Two zits today...
And in the last two days I kept having these "mini-pick" sessions. I wasn't in front of the mirror going crazy, I didn't make myself bleed, etc. etc, but I'd attack different clumps of blackheads that were visible with my shirt (I was wearing sleeveless.) On Day 21, too. I'm in somewhat of a rut, but at least it's a much toned down rut from the last few times. I'm doing better. A work in progress, right?
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Post by Chipmunk on Oct 2, 2004 20:03:48 GMT -5
Yesterday was my first completely free day... probably aided by the fact that my boyfriend drove up four hours to see me...
Today, just one zit.
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Post by LazyChipmunk on Oct 4, 2004 17:52:06 GMT -5
AAAGH!
Yesterday I had an episode. Eleven at night- at least half an hour in front of the mirror, ripping up my face, chest, and shoulders.
I don't understand it... I hadn't had one in almost four weeks. My life has been rather unpleasant for nearly all of those four weeks, and I still held off. Then, this weekend, a rather good weekend, just after my first completley pick-free day, I screwed it all up.
ARG!
Today's a new day, right?
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Post by Chipmunk on Oct 5, 2004 22:48:42 GMT -5
October 5, 2004 Just picked for almost a half-hour... my recovering skin is now a mess. Why am I going backwards?  ? I'm so ridiculously far from my ZT goal it's not even funny. |
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Post by Chipmunk on Oct 10, 2004 22:12:26 GMT -5
Did great for last two days.
Destroyed my face today. At least I stopped there. There was a really big zit, and I just HAD to pop it, and from there...
No trigger but minor sleep deprivation.
I hate to say this, but if I'm not seriously more on track by December, I need to get myself some help, because this isn't right. I am a mostly happy person. I shouldn't be doing this to myself.
In fact, the last three weeks in which I had much more success than this week at not picking, I was outright miserable in the rest of my life. Yet, this week, when I finally get happy, I start to pick.
I don't understand. What am I doing to myself?
I don't think this journal is giving me any accountability because nobody is checking it. But I am afraid to let someone who has never experienced this see.
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Post by Chipmunk on Oct 12, 2004 22:25:53 GMT -5
Three blackheads and two zits... sounds bad, I know, but considering the number of times I walked away today, it's pretty good...
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Post by FrustratedChipmunk on Oct 13, 2004 23:22:35 GMT -5
Just ripped up my face and chest... worst attack in months...
Help me, someone. Anyone.
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Post by FrustratedChipmunk on Oct 13, 2004 23:35:02 GMT -5
Maybe this will help me spot a pattern.
Time: 11:00 p.m. Wednesday, October 13
Length of picking session: 20 minutes
Area picked: all over face, blackheads on chest, two pimples on back
Point in hormonal cycle: 1-1.5 weeks before period
Trigger: felt zit on forehead, had to go to mirror to pop
Events of day: school, work, loafing around, work out, Mass, homework
Calories consumed: about 1300
Exercise: 22 minutes on treadmill & relaxing 10 minutes in steam room
Boyfriend-related events: miss boyfriend; no contact from him at all today
Friend related events: friend sent me nasty email
Sources of stress for day: friend (minor stress) and wasting time (minor stress)
Amount of sleep from night before: 7 hours
Overall feeling before session: uplifted from Mass, but wanting to avoid finishing homework
Reaction afterwards: frustrated, tried to hide marks from roomates, put ointment on sores, ate a lot, updated "ZT" journal
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