I have found out why I pick...

[Okaii]

So I have been not picking recently, and I realised I could quit completely.
Then I felt fear.
Why was I scared? I realised I was terrified of waking up beautiful. My face is fine, I am pretty, but when I pick my skin I can be ugly. This gives me comfort. I can CHOOSE to be ugly or pretty (I am a master at covering my skin with makeup).
My core fear is that I will get raped or at least receive lots of unwanted attention from men and be treated like an object.
That's why I pick.
That's the reason.
I can't believe I have found this out. Can anyone relate?

[brad]

Well, not being a woman, I can't relate to your fear specifically. But fear, tension, stress is all related to my picking. I find that when I catch myself in the act if I quickly say to myself "What was I thinking just then?" Often times it's a dark, stressful situation I have to confront like collecting an unpaid bill from a deadbeat.

If you are visualizing potentially being raped, attacked or even unwanted attention, your mind WILL stress you out

[anonymousartist]

I think I can relate. I used to worry about how men would treat me if I lost weight. I have been losing weight, and I'm not down to where I want yet, but so far....the attention has been fun. I mean, its kinda powerful. I guess the thing is in general if someone is going to rape you, they have horrible karma, I mean, as in, they are not good people, and they could care less what you look like, what you weigh, how your skin looks and none of it is your fault or your burden, its all theirs. I guess I've also walked around enough years with the thought running through my head, "if anyone fucks with me I'll just have to kick their ass." It's really all you can do when you go to a college where people routinely get carjacked.

I may also sometimes pick for this reason. I mean, I've been sort of thinking about going for something with a guy I'm not really interested in, and I find myself thinking it wouldn't be such a bad idea to ugly myself up a little. Weird as that thought may be, like I don't wanna waste the good stuff on him.

The thing is, (and I just made this up but it sounds really good!) there may be people who will treat you like an object regardless, but don't treat yourself like one.

Oh, and Brad, its awesome to have a guy's perspective on things in such an honest manner. Love your posts.

--Becca