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Post by skigirl on Jun 17, 2005 1:12:58 GMT -5
I've officially filed, set things in motion. It's weird how this is a huge stressor and a huge relief at the same time. Picking has continued to lessen and I think I'm on a permanent recovery. This may be simply a time factor, with just finishing a second year of school and having the majority of child care and house care on my shoulders, and a huge financial crisis to deal with. But also I think having a major decision off my back lessens my time I need to ruminate. Less time thinking equals less time picking. And I've been burning up the miles running lately. I just got over bronchitis and ear infections, so when I was sick I picked a little bit more, but got antibiotics for it which also cleared up my skin really nice. Plus the warmer weather I've been running in just a jog bra so my skin doesn't get acne as much without the sweat staying on it, plus the sun. I ran six miles today, up and down hills, and got the nicest high off it. Soooo much wish to have a man in my life, because it's been awhile since I've had a real relationship, but now that I'm without - it is certainly good to not have that headache. Have one really, really good friend, a few other good friends, and my kids - hope that's enough to keep me going through this. Sometimes I think this is going to just keep going, and I'll do it one day at a time, and all will be fine. Then other times I just don't have a clue how I'm going to get through this, get my kids through it, and survive financially. Any divorce or breakup survival stories from y'all would be a huge help. I reread what I just wrote and I sound so darn positive and well-adjusted, but when I'm completely exhausted it can seem like I'm just hanging on.
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Post by anonymousartist on Jun 17, 2005 11:03:45 GMT -5
Keep on running. I started doing some running lately and I know it makes me feel like I can do anything (unfortunately its gotten far too hot here to go at any time of day that I'm awake). You will make it through this. I'm sure no one ever feels good about a divorce, so just remember that there is nothing wrong with feeling bad and maybe it is healthy to let it out.
As far as divorce survival stories go my family went through one of the worst, with my mom and father. It was hopefully much worse than what you are going through. But there was a big custody battle and money out the window (my father had money. my mother could not make anywhere near what he made and he had friends in the legal system that put us out of child support). The point is that we all survived it and we all had food in our mouths (ok I put too much food in my mouth, heh). The main thing is, not to worry those kids of yours about money or security. I'm not saying you have to shoulder this entire burden on your own, but share it with friends, your mom, whoever, but not the kids. Teach them to be responsible with money, but don't let them grow up worrying about it. And don't worry yourself so much either. It'll just hinder you. You're a smart and capable woman and you'll do great things if you give yourself the chance.
Something I did one day that someone reminded me to look back on when I was feeling shitty: make a list of all the things you love, the important ones, and the frivolous ones, whatever you can think of that you really love. And when you aren't feeling well, read it. You will feel better.
Good luck, and you have us here for support.
--Becca
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Post by skigirl on Jun 19, 2005 23:33:24 GMT -5
AA:
Thanks for the response. I will definitely take your advice on the making a list. In fact, I'm going to make a list of all the people in my life, and the positive things too.
It seems like since I've made this decision to get divorced, people have been coming into my life a lot. I keep feeling lonely lots of times, and now that I've recognized this trend, that I keep meeting new people all the time, it helps me to actually enjoy my time alone. It's like I know that the time alone is only temporary, so it doesn't make me feel as bad as it used to. I've started reading Anna Karenina again (had to put it down a year ago when I got it, because of school). I actually took a NAP today!!!!!! Felt sooooo good. I was actually sick to my stomach from eating too many cherries, but was happy that that's something I can do now and have nobody to say anything about it. I can read a book, eat too many cherries, and take a nap. Went out with friends last night, as the designated driver, and it was pretty darn great. Met a guy who will most likely end up being another friend (soooooo not ready for anything else), and he's hopefully going to get me on the Nike team for a marathon run. Hey, looks like I've started my list!
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Post by anonymousartist on Jun 20, 2005 13:38:06 GMT -5
sounds awesome. I know this lady online who decided back in fall to start training for a marathon (she was not a runner at all at the time) and she did the marathon this spring. I just found her whole account of it so inspiring! I try to get out and run a bit now and it feels good to be out in the sun, by the water. Mmm. It's been hot out but I think I need to finally make myself get up early and do it. Reading sounds like a great idea too. Time to get on Amazon! You can never have too many cherries.  |
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Post by skigirl on Jun 25, 2005 21:28:44 GMT -5
I'm pretty lame with this divorce thing. My ex has the kids, and the past few times I've sworn to myself that when he's taking care of them I'd go do something fun, get out of the house. Right now I look a mess. I've been cleaning my carpets and cleaning the house. Guess this is a legitimate use of my time since I have three kids, one who's a toddler, and can't really get anything done when they're here, so I end up spending most of my time either working or up at the park with them. A friend told me it would be like this for awhile, that I'd feel like I SHOULD go do something when I have freedom, but I'm just not into it. On the very bright side, my skin has been sooooo clear lately. I've been in the sun a lot, with running and being outside with the kids, so I'm tan. Whenever I've been tempted to pick, I CANNOT do it because my skin looks so good. I've been doing the daily sugar scrubs, so my skin is very smoothe too. Funny how I've tried expensive skin treatments before - and I've tried everything - to get rid of acne. And what works best is the sugar scrub, using a cold washcloth a couple times a day, skipping the makeup, and using antibacterial soap before bed. I can't remember my skin looking this good for years. Still sunny out, so I am going to put on my bikini top and go for a walk. Then I think I'll have a drink with friends later. Wow, for all the stress I'm under, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted too. I have these moments of true happiness now that I haven't felt, except with my kids, in a very long time.
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Post by skigirl on Jun 28, 2005 10:52:54 GMT -5
Gettin ugly, here. The divorce, I mean. As for the skin - I'm da bomb. Wow, that sounded so unnatural for me to say ;D. Anyway, when we were separating, I trusted him to stay in my house a couple times with my kids. Only to find out that the whole time we were married, he had been making a mental note of the things that were most important to me. Baby books, pictures, birth certificates, stuff from when they were newborns, all of it. And he took it. I only hope now that he doesn't go about destroying it all. What he sees as a bunch of junk and something to use as a bargaining tool in a divorce, the kids see as documentation of their childhoods. I want them to be able to look at that stuff some day. But on a positive note, no matter what he takes away from me to keep for himself, he can't get the one thing that I'll have forever, and that's a good heart, the ability to love my kids with all my soul. He can never be a truly loving person, open to giving to other people. I could never walk around in the world looking for ways to get everything I can out of other people. I'm just not made that way - but he is. Pathetic.
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Post by anonymousartist on Jun 28, 2005 12:32:52 GMT -5
oh I am so sorry. That sucks. He is really playing dirty. You should make a written note of this, dated, and such (and anything else he pulls). You may be able to get a court order to get those albums back. So write down everything that is missing.
And yes, you are a good person and a good mom and that's what truly counts.
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Post by skigirl on Jul 1, 2005 2:54:41 GMT -5
Sorry to dump all this here, folks, but all this stuff that happened is really bothering me. I haven't been able to sleep all week. For me, I do feel more like picking when I'm so tired, but fortunately I've been able to resist it for the most part.
This past Sunday I went to my ex's apartment to pick up my kids, because I was out of town for the day, a long drive away, and didn't know for sure what time I'd be back. When I went in my kids' room, I saw these two boxes, and right on top was stuff with my name on it. Long story short, my ex didn't want me to have any of my stuff back, so my kids got to watch their dad drag their mom around the room. Because I defended myself and it happened in his apartment, he gets away with it. And of course he did the only thing that comes natural to him - and LIED. Told the police that he had to defend himself against all 120 pounds of me. And I'll most likely not get my stuff back. He would be so overjoyed to know how much I've cried over losing this stuff. He is without a doubt one of the most evil people I've ever met. He's been planning on getting rid of me for so long, that he's done everything he can to make me miserable. He's gone to websites for men to learn how to screw their wives over in a divorce. Some even went as far as to give advice on how to kill your wife and make it look like an accident. I don't understand how so much hatred can be directed toward the mother of your children.
All the pictures that he stole, I took most of them and had them all developed. The birth certificates, I pushed the baby out, then I filled out all the paperwork to get the birth certificates and SSN cards. He didn't do any of that stuff, he took a fucking nap after being so exhausted from sitting there while I was in pain. He stole all my kids' savings bonds. So now when he throws the boxes in the dumpster because he no longer needs it to torture me, my kids will be the ones to lose out. We'll have to apply for replacements for everything, and I'll have to pay, when they go to college, when they get their driver's licenses. And I know I'm being sentimental, but I want the originals. I want the ones with my baby's footprints on them. He did leave me some pics. I got all the pics of the ceiling fan, the blacked out ones, the fuzzy ones. I can't believe one person can be so hateful. But I've learned enough about the human body to know that all that evil has a way of taking its toll. Happens all the time. Justice always comes around to those who do so much wrong and inflict pain just for the fun of it. So the moment he does destroy all those things, just to get me back, may be the same moment a cell decides to start rapidly replicating, forming a black mass to match the black mark on his soul.
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