very personal subject

[Froglet]

Aaw, I don't believe that anybody here s trying to force their opinions upon anyone. Not on purpose anyway. Not many of us are trained therapists. People are just trying to offer what advice they think might be helpful. I think what is really important here is that so many people want to try and help dandilion. Its nice that people could care so much about someone they don't know. That is why i like this board. Everyone seems geniune here.
It seems that everyone just wants to put an arm round dandilion and let her know that she is not alone.
I can understand why you feel guilt and disgust dandilion, but you should not have to carry this burden any longer. I hope you can find a way to come to terms with what happened and begin to live your life happy and guilt free!
Lx

[skigirl]

Dissociation, or splitting as it has been called, is actually a coping mechanism, not a disorder or anything to do with memory per se. Childhood memories of abuse are similar to childhood memories in general. If a child has a bicycle when they're growing up, then as an adult chances are they'll remember they had a bicycle as a child. May not remember that it was pink with a purple fender and pink ribbons on the handlebars, but the adult will remember the child's bicycle all the same. Traumatic memories form along the same lines. Because it's a memory of trauma, it can remain as developed as every sound, touch, tasted, or smell concurrent with the traumatic event. Or the memory can be as undeveloped as a feeling or uneasiness around the perpetrator. This is event- and age-dependent, of course. Children are more adept at dissociation than adults, merely because children haven't been around long enough to perceive full reality as adults can. Think Easter Bunny and Santa Claus. So they can dissociate because they can sort of escape into their imagination during a traumatic event. This coping mechanism actually can continue to be profound during adulthood, and can sometimes be "called upon" in times of need; ie., when an adult experiences psychological discomfort similar to that experienced as a child. As far as repressed memory, this was a widely diagnosed psychological occurrence especially in the 80s. It has come under great scrutiny with the lapse of two decades, and now there is a recognized disorder as false memory syndrome, which occurs when memories are "planted" by mental health professionals. Dandelion's post makes one thing very clear. There is so much debate surrounding this topic of childhood sexuality. Only during my lifetime has sex become an open subject applicable to people of any age, but the majority of the population still can only really guess at what is normal sexual behavior for children. Most of us can weigh in, because most of us can remember sex play as a child. And unfortunately for many of us that involved a criminal act by a mentally unstable adult perpetrator. I think the biggest point to make, whether we believe something was wrong from our past or not, we have a choice every day as an adult to heal from it.