Two-headed CSP Colouring Chart

[Leese]

Hello All,

I'm up late, sick to my stomach over an issue at work, and found myself unconsciously scratching at my face. So instead of indulging in this pastime of self mutilation, I logged on to this wonderful board to indulge in the wisdom shared by all you fine folks.

I've come to realize that any tangible emotion, be it fear, anxiety, happiness, boredom, anger, love causes me to go into the comfort of the trance like state that picking offers. I focus on what I'm picking at, so I don't have to focus on what's picking at me.

I think perhaps it offers a way not to deal with things. At the same time, it allows me to feel as horrid on the outside, as I do on the inside. More proof that I'm unworthy.

I read a book by Louise Hay - Heal Your Body: The Mental Causes for Physical Illness and the Metaphysical Way to Overcome Them - that acne or any form of it is the body's eruption of self hatred. I don't know if this holds true for anyone else, but I know in my case that bell rings true.

I look at things from so many different angles. Things that another would simply shrug and pass off .. I ponder, and ruminate, looking at every facet like a jeweler would a fine diamond.

I scrutinize myself in this fashion as well ... every flaw is magnified, every humiliation replayed, every self doubt resounds in my head, bouncing off the walls of my brain, and reverberating insult after raucous insult.

I've had enough of dealing with life in this fashion and I am ready and willing to do whatever it takes to end this self defeating behavior.

I glean that in order to do this, I must first and foremost begin to deal with the emotions I feel. Not run from them, nor put them at stay ... but to actually go through the process of feeling them, and dealing with them, until I break clean with an actual outcome.

I've heard that what we bury, just grows bigger. It's frightening to step foot into the fire filled furnace and go through the flames of feeling/dealing with emotion. Still, it must be done to get to the other side. At least I'll be making a move and can flail or fly of my own accord.

Sitting, picking, worrying and fretting has hindered my life to such a degree; I look the enemy in the face and find that my enemy is me.

Ah, forgive my blathering on .. I am but a battle scarred survivor, marching frontline, in life's cruel war. I do intend on slaying my own personal dragon(s).

Thanks to all of you for such great insight, and the feeling of comradery through our self inflicted trials. Your words have made a difference ... I have hope ... thanks from the heart!


There are no mistakes,
no coincidences. All events are blessings
given to us to learn from.
- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

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[playinwitfire]

tryin out the colour not sure if it'll work...Hey woah I havn't been back for aaaaages!i!

Hey moratorium long time no speak (whoz sheee ur probz askin??!) u galz already know what I'm going to say. Yeah..I look hideous.

I knew I was getting entrapped in the cycle again but once its started you know you can't stop like catching a wave, it's just gona excite you, exhaust you and wash you up..and then you just have to do it again. (surfing is gd but you know what i mean) anyway...

Do any of you find you pick for hours early in the morning? I was doing it last night n I'm so tired. Its weird cus im conscious that Im severely deprived of sleep but its like when my mind says 'I need to pick' it inadvertently says 'you don't need to sleep (right now)'.

Yeah how do u get lil pic movies?

Kool can't wait to get started on your new chart, lookz wick. Its sortof been a shortcut for me to shorten the really severe picking phases which can last for ages.

does anyone know if neurotic excoriation, dermatillomania and CSP r one and the same? ive done research but im alwayz confused..you know i don't think even the profis know what they're dealing with. So comforting.

Lataz, xxxxxxxxxjessxxxxxxxxxxx

[moratorium]

Hello everyone,

Just reporting back to update my ongoing, imperishable skin-picking misadventures. I completed my 3rd CSP chart with an ill-conceived eleventh hour skin gouge constituting two days of wreckless damage. Thankfully it served as a much-needed catalyst to get me back on track, a declamatory mandate to 'never do that again!' and I've held strong since.

At the risk of sounding ever-increasingly solipsistic, I'm happy to announce that the scabs from that pestilent attack have now been shed such is the marvel of the body's regenerative turn-over.

Leese, I really adored your post. I too feel that my skin problems evince a far deeper imperceptible imbalance. Not that I'm a devout Gaiaist, but I believe that the somatisation of the skin reflects an emotional and environmental disparity not easily remedied, especially not by medicating yourself to high heaven. Having said that, my skin has been relatively clear of late and I'll be damned if I don't attribute it to the introduction of a probiotic into my nutritional fold rather than spiritual equanimity!

I wholeheartedly concur with your identification of 'any tangible emotion' as the vagarious gamut of potential triggers. I feel exactly the same, the picking demon is indiscriminate in its stigmatism. Any emotion at all, be it one of ecstasy or melancholy are punishable by excoriee.

Jess, (welcome back btw, of course I remember you!) I believe that neurotic excoriation, dermatillomania, CSP, acne excoriee, self-injurious skin picking etc. are all one and the same. I agree, it would certainly ease public consciousness if some streamlining took place. It's no wonder it isn't a condition recognisable to most people with such diagnostic discrepancies.

I'm touched that you have been motivated to try the chart to help with your struggle. I think it has helped me to temper the compulsion and limit the amount of my life beset with the destruction/healing cycle.

Best of luck Jess, I hope you can come to view all of those tempting 'picks' with more objectivity and head towards a scab-free summer.

Best wishes,

Mora.

[Supervixen]

Hello! I hope you are all doing okay?
I have not progressed much. Actually not at all. Yet again I am going to start a new chart. I'm not feeling too positive at the moment, I'm quite stressed and my terrible skin is adding to the problem. I have a huge hole in my forehead where I have gouged out a load of gunk from a pore but it doesn't seem to want to heal. So as temporary solution I have cut myself a fringe ;D At least I feel less self-conscious walking down the street.
I recently split up with my partner (mutual decision) so that is also contributing to my not-feeling-so-good.
On a positive note, the picking sessions, while frequent seem to be quite short compared to normal, so I feel slightly more in control of them. I am hoping to make a real go of this chart now (I know I say it every time. But ) Well I'm sure you all love hearing me moaning on about my boring life but I'll stop now.
Take care xxx

[tlp11]

I just found this board today and am reading as much as my young children will allow me. I find the charts interesting and hopefully helpful. I just printed the face and body charts since I self mutilate by picking face, inside mouth/lips, arms & legs. I am desperate to quit and need all the help I can get.

Thanks!

[freefromself]

I am starting a new 21 day pickfree session, I hope everyone will join me again on this journey. I really have to get a hold of this habit, because right now it is holding me down, and making me look like a complete trainwreck.

Loves to all, I hope everyone is doing well
drprincess

[newandbetterme]

wow moratrorium
u are great in making computer graphics.
very useful stuff.
i love your through the looking glass site
and your charts..and thanks for the samples of your charts. at first i did not pay enough attention at how it works.
i printed them and will work with them..

wow ...thanks..
it seems like u do have some good days. congrats for that. one suggestion is maybe see when u give in. is it a particular ti me in the month?

for me it seems to happen like every 2 weeks or so..like i'm good for a while, then i give in..and before my period.

[newandbetterme]

hi again moratorium
thanks again for the wonderful tools u made
i made the " looking thr the looking glass site as my homepage " i hope it will be a good reminder : )

i pasted the face and body chart visibly in my room and gonna work on it.

i like the way u did urs on the computer. is it possible for you to send a link to me or us..like that? to be able to be done on the computer? if not....the paper one is more than great ;D

i also printed urs...i like your improvement...u are doing good...keep up the good work :

[newandbetterme not logged in]

hi moratorim
wow
thanks again for the charts.

i'm 2 days from finishing my first 21 day face and body charts. i now copied another...for the next 21 days

i now stil have 1-2 wounds healing...
i touch them here and there

but for the next 21 day charts ...i know they will be great ;D


body:3 d with some picking. the rest were great. only one new one, but not big. almost healed. i touched the one thats still healing.

face: ok not as well. only 1 full day of not touching anything. all the rest i touched the ones that are healing.