Two-headed CSP Colouring Chart

[Supervixen]

Still havent touched my face
35 1/2 hours!
I've adapted the chart so I get to colour in 1/2 a face for 1/2 a day ;D
I'm way too impatient to wait a whole 24 hours to colour a face in! Also, if I do succumb to picking, I only have to colour in half the spotty side, therefore I can carry on with my new good behaviour for the rest of the day instead of thinking "f*@k it, I may as well ruin the whole day".
Does this make sense? It does in my head anyway!
Hope you all carry on your successes
Loadsa love xxx

[moratorium]

Hi everyone,

Well done on your little victories Tallulah and Pamela! Tallulah, I think it's really resourceful of you to tailor the chart more to your own personal set of daily goals. I really think we can do this!

Pamela, I'm so pleased to hear of your progress too. The skin is far better left to its own healing and regeneration than having to contend with external forces constantly performing acts of microsurgery on it.

I do believe it's important we set ourselves realistic goals rather than make picking a forbidden vice only to condemn ourselves even more severely when we fall from grace. When you make something forbidden outright it only increases the tension surrounding the issue and leads to inevitable self-defeated acquiescence. Tallulah's idea is great, if we say to ourselves we can pick everyday for the 21 as a starting block, and with each day say we can pick after having completed an hour, 2 hours, half a day without picking etc, (as needshelphelpinBigD and skigirl proposed in the 'my ramblings' thread) and then apply that logic to going 1 day, or several days of the 21 without picking.

I nearly had a scare myself yesterday on the 10th day of going cold turkey. I was overcome with such withdrawal symptoms, I could scarcely think straight. It was really peculiar. I had these CSP flashbacks and felt such an irrevocable urge to run my hands over my face in pursuit of minutiae to pick at. This really is a bona fide addiction. Luckily however, I did manage to restrain myself and went to bed early. I felt so triumphant when I awoke this morning without all those fresh excoriation wounds to deal with. Especially as I need to go to town to run some errands today.

Sending you all my very best regards,

Mora.

[Supervixen]

Me again - hello!
2 1/2 days pick free woohooo!
I was really tempted this morn so I shovelled some makeup on asap because I tend not to pick when I've got a nicely applied face
Mora, lots of congrats for overcoming your withdrawal symptoms, I think you're amazing to have managed so long! I hope I can match your willpower

Interesting :

if we say to ourselves we can pick everyday for the 21 as a starting block, and with each day say we can pick after having completed an hour, 2 hours, half a day without picking etc, (as needshelphelpinBigD and skigirl proposed in the 'my ramblings' thread) and then apply that logic to going 1 day, or several days of the 21 without picking.

This is the exact way I gave up smoking!! I suppose by not 'banning' something, you feel like you still have a choice, and therefore do not feel deprived of the thing (be it smoking/picking/eating junk etc) that you want to do. So instead of saying to yourself "I'm not allowed to pick", you say to yourself, "I'm CHOOSING not to pick".

You see I've changed my sig!!!

Lotsa love xxx

[pamela]

;D hello talluh and mora and anyone else reading...
well I haven't been doing so well.But the weirdest thing I really don't feel that guilty if I pick zits that are real, not the ones we believe we have or small blackheads or stuff...
Today in the evening a boy called me,I worked with him in the Iguazú waterfalls last years,he said he would be in town and now I don't know what to do...I think I could see him if it's late at night or maybe I don't know...what should I do? the funniest part is that he had an accident and his face looks really strange but I don't mind at all...
girls what should I do ? meet him or not?
tallu I think changing your sig was really great
Mora I congratulate you ...I admire you
kisses to all

[moratorium]

Hi everyone,

Tallulah I too love your new sig! hehe... it is inspired. Congratulations on your similar successful strategy to quit smoking, I had no idea we had a seasoned professional of habit breaking in our midst!

Also, thanks for that additional top tip - shovel on the slap. A more fail-safe method I'd be hard-pushed to invent.

Pamela, I'm so pleased to hear you report that you're turning a corner in terms of the guilt spiral that usually succeeds a picking episode. That is such a big breakthrough. I'm currently sporting a pre-menstrual bacterial parlay myself, but I am determined to let it run its course without my interference. So often throughout my ovulating history have I let such a pre-menstrual ruse ensnare me into a pick onslaught. I will not, no let me rephrase that bold type emphasis; I choose not to fall into its trap! ;D

Regarding the pending rendezvous with your friend... I can only say I think the Iguazú falls are a deceptive decoy, the true natural wonder of the world is your unstoppable, torrential love-life! I say; why not? Go for it. You are very lucky to be blessed with such a relational cascade, mine is more of a 'hanging valley'.

Love,

Mora.

[pamela]

jesus! well prince charming didn't show up, I guess he didn't have his day off so I took my children to the pool,with my messed up face and stuff, i didn't care...
I think I'm totally nuts.
Believe it or not, I'm also going through some really hard pms symptons like yours, of course and it makes just healing slow,lots of oily skin,stress, my god!
Talluh I think that's a very good Idea about not banishing this or it will get worse...
I've noticed that before when I tried the most quitting picking it is when it gets worse.
Oh my gosh mora you really make me pick up the dictionary to read your posts! it's very useful to practice my english...
Well girls don't give up, as for me I'm doing my best that's the only thing I can say.
love you

[moratorium]

Who'd have thought menstrual cycles could synchronise over the net? Congratulations on your 'nuttiness' pamela, I think it's a real testament of your strength to adopt such a devil-may-care attitude to your skin and not let it inhibit you from doing things with your children or contemplating potential dates with delectable accident victims. I think you're terrific pamela!

Glad to hear I'm providing a lingual service for you. I assure you, I think most people find me inscrutable! I've spent too much time of my life in solitary, ascetic fear of people and have developed a longwinded impediment. ;D

I've now completed 12 days without picking myself. Unfortunately, this metamorphosed into a Pyrrhic victory yesterday when stresses were running high and without wanting to impinge my picking vigilance, lacerated my arms with a blade. It's been a while since I've resorted to cutting but sometimes I feel there is no other way to stem the tide of tears.

I'm feeling excessively anxious at the moment owing to the fact my Aunt is about to visit. She is a psychotherapist and needless to say, there are several subtextual elements to this visitation. It's not simply for a convivial family liaison. She was the one who appointed me my current psychologist in lieu of the inefficiency of my local mental health resources. She now suspects he has become 'over-involved'. I'm not sure if that's the psychoanalytic term for it but we did sleep together. He certainly went beyond the call of duty, I'll grant him. It's a very confusing dichotomy, I don't quite know who to entrust my impetuous emotions with. I also don't know how I'll be able to conceal all of these cuts, I know these things are everyday mundanities for her but I still feel she looks at me with such condescension sometimes.

[Supervixen]

Mora, hope you're ok?? I've never cut so I can't offer advice but merely support. I hope you're coping alright with everything? I truely admire your willpower!
I cant believe your psychotherapist slept with you!! Was it recently and were you willing? I wont say what I think about him because I dont know the full story. BUT - what a shit therapist.
I had my fair share of psychotherapists when I was younger and that put me off for life. I dont think I'd ever willingly see one now. Although it has been suggested that I should....
Good luck for your aunt's visit. Dont even get me started on relatives!!
I've gone 4 1/2 days pick free!!! ;D This is the longest EVER. I still dont trust myself completely so I'm trying to keep away from mirrors.
It's quite depressing actually, although I've managed not to pick, I've realised that I still have acne. I'd sort of thought that all my spots and blemishes were of my own making and that if I just stopped touching my face then my skin would be perfectly smooth and clear. YEAH RIGHT!!!!! Oh well, I've discovered 'natural' blemishes are easier to cover up than big picked-at scabs so that's something to keep in mind.
I'm rambling now so I'll shut up,
Love to you all
Alice xxx yep its mah real name!!

[pamela]

girls,
how are you doing? Has your aunt arrive yet?I was pretty shocked to read about your cuts...hope it doesn't inspire me in the wrong way.I hope everything is fine.At least you did not pick.
I really have to say I 'm getting lost and picked a little each day but I feel I will be fine.
Can't restrain me with my beer or my picking.
What's with your therapist?
see, it's not only me who has a really strange love life event...How did that happen? is he in love with you? it could happen you know.Normally it's the patient who falls in love with the therapist but it could happen the other way around too...
Or did he pressure you?
Tallulah I also think if I stop picking my face will be ok
that's really not like that.
gotta go to sleep
kisses

[needshelpinBigD]

Tallulah said:

It's quite depressing actually, although I've managed not to pick, I've realised that I still have acne. I'd sort of thought that all my spots and blemishes were of my own making and that if I just stopped touching my face then my skin would be perfectly smooth and clear. YEAH RIGHT!!!!! Oh well, I've discovered 'natural' blemishes are easier to cover up than big picked-at scabs so that's something to keep in mind.
I'm rambling now so I'll shut up,
Love to you all
Alice xxx yep its mah real name!!

Ha...it's funny you say this... THIS is exactly what i've been realizing....since i've been pretty pick free for 4 weeks. The blemishes that i leave alone, actually heal up quicker than when i pick them! Maybe 5 million years of evolution have something that *my* 30 years of "wisdom" don't know.

One other interesting thing i notice... Nights when i would have been close to cancelling plans due to my skin, when i go out i actually have more game with the ladies lol...maybe it's attitude, but it really may be *WE* have a completely different perception than what everone else sees. Just a thought?!?

[needshelpinBigD]

moratorium said:

I've now completed 12 days without picking myself. Unfortunately, this metamorphosed into a Pyrrhic victory yesterday when stresses were running high and without wanting to impinge my picking vigilance, lacerated my arms with a blade. It's been a while since I've resorted to cutting but sometimes I feel there is no other way to stem the tide of tears.

Moratorium...

GREAT to hear you've gone 12 days!!! EXCELLENT! but why cut....do you want to stop that to?! It's going to take the same kind of mental dedication you are applying to stopping picking....please don't stop picking only to transfer it to something more physically aggressive and invasive!
Enough of all this...Lets kick this, all together!

[Supervixen]

needshelpinBigD, just been giggling at your post! ;D

I feel like such a fool, I picked about an hour after I wrote my last post (go figure!) and picked this morning.

I'm feeling really crappy today. Im tired, hungover, premenstrual and fat And thanks to this morning, my skins a mess too. And im being a right bitch to everyone, which makes me hate myself even more.

Got lots of thoughts but I cant form proper sentences at moment so I may share them with you later (you lucky lucky people!)

Love to you all xxx

[moratorium]

Hi Alice, Pamela and needshelpinBigD,

I've just made a close escape from the onerous threat of the pick impulse myself. Dear god, I am still feeling rather rattled. That ubiquitous feeling of inexorable anxiety, the hypertensive shortness of breath, the narrowing of focus to the most minute panoply of clogged pores. I managed to yank myself out of the entrancement somehow thankfully. I really would have given anything (and by that I mean the appearance of intact skin) to savage myself and expunge all of those unctuous specks. Even though I'm so prudently aware that these monstrosities are only conspicuous to the human eye when in direct light with a mirror intrusively positioned at the closest proximal angle. I feel like such an obsessive freak.

Alice, I'm so sorry to hear you have succumbed to the habit. You should be so proud that you managed to accrue quite a good run of pick-free days. Even though you picked yesterday and today, at least the picking demon has made a net loss this week! As the picking decreases, so too does the risk of turning a temporary blemish/spot into a longer-lasting or permanent scar.

I can completely empathise with having to come to the realisation that even with picking thwarted, I still have bad skin prone to unsightly aberrations not even of my own making! That is a big part of the challenge for me, learning to leave my skin to the natural healing process rather than steamroll in and let my fingers take precedence.

Thanks for everyone's concern, the cuts are healing up pretty well. My Aunt's visit was horrendous. She left this morning leaving me demoralised and even more afeared of the world.

Regarding my unorthodox psychologist, I really have got into something inadvisable. Pamela, touché about the contest for most extraordinary love-life... haha... I really don't know how I feel, he insists he is not bound by societal dictums and believes that maintaining a sexual relationship with him would benefit me. Apparently even Freud slept with one of his patients. I certainly did fall for him and wrote it off as psychological transference, but he claims he feels a lot for me outside of the therapeutical spectrum. He wants me to live with him. He knows I am a veritable hermit with terrible social anxiety and mistrust of people, he thinks it would be the only way for me to make progress. I'm so confused, sometimes I am excited even enticed by the idea - a custom-fit paramour complete with doctorate in psychology and experiential knowledge of compulsive disorders. It sounds like a match mad in heaven! But on the other hand, I don't have anyone impartial to discuss my feelings with. When I explain in detail my intransigent suicidal thoughts and acts of self-destruction, he seems to take it as a personal affront. He derives that the only solution is for us to live together.

That's not even the most controversial aspect though. He and my imperious Aunt were partners for 10 years, although he maintains he was misguided and that her version of the relationship is subject to great discrepancy. She now suspects him of wrongdoing, but I haven't said anything. If she knew, the department he works for would be informed and his job may be put in jeopardy.

needshelpinBigD, thanks so much for your inspirational words. I'm so pleased you now have excessive 'game' with ladies. It's no more than you deserve for your incredible change in self-perception.

Best wishes,

Mora.

[needshelpinBigD]

moratorium said:

Hi Alice, Pamela and needshelpinBigD,

needshelpinBigD, thanks so much for your inspirational words. I'm so pleased you now have excessive 'game' with ladies. It's no more than you deserve for your incredible change in self-perception.

.

well...."excessive" might be taking it a little too far... lol

[drprincess]

Hi girls,

I haven't posted in a while, so busy with work and school, and recently I visited my family. I am back though ready to post again regualary.


I have picked tiny bits at little blackheads, but not like before for hours at a time, and until blood comes out.


I am going to start over again, even though I don't pick or pick a tiny, or if my face looks good is no excuse for me not to post, especially for this 21 day program. I have a disease, and it shows up in other ways like being busy or seeking approval from guys, instead of me. I hadn't gone out on a date in years, but recently i did, and found a new friend, whom i talk to frequently, but I feel i am avoiding on working on my skin picking.

Take care everybody and keeping picking yourself because that is a victory in itself,
and if you can relate write back.

Drprincess